


The Life and Times of Tony Stark

by fanbird



Series: The Life and Times of Tony Stark [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Edwin Jarvis, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark at MIT, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Protective Pepper Potts, Protective Steve Rogers, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, how many rhodey tags are allowed, incase anyone thinks the A+ parenting tag is serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23728867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanbird/pseuds/fanbird
Summary: Tony assumed Steve would never understand his childhood and he certainly wouldn't believe the stories Tony had to tell.After all, no one else did.-----------------------------Your usual Tony centric whump fic ft.Actual Trashbag Howard Starklots of comfort with the hurt though, I promise.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: The Life and Times of Tony Stark [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1709143
Comments: 39
Kudos: 317





	1. The Mansion

The old Stark family mansion was different now, renovated and used for various charity galas, fundraisers, and the like. The atmosphere of the place was more welcoming than it had been before being refurbished, now bright and fresh, but it still felt cold to Tony. He couldn’t enter a room without unwanted memories flooding back to him, even the somewhat pleasant ones tinted by the neglect and abuse he’d often felt in the house. 

So far the night had gone without incident, he’d been mingling, having the ‘very important’ conversations Pepper insisted he initiates with stockholders and generally keeping up the appearance he needed to. He’d been sipping scotch all night (nowhere near the amount he’d need to feel any more than a slight buzz), mainly to dodge the underhanded remarks he’d receive from attendees. 

_ Can’t hold your liquor, Stark? _

_ You know your old man could drink the best of ‘em under a table. _

_ Tony, are you  _ **_sure_ ** _ I can’t get you a drink? _

  
Steve had been to Stark Industries events before, most of the Avengers had in some capacity, but this was the first time he’d been invited to go to the mansion. Hell, this was the first time he heard Howard's old residence was around in any capacity. While not his favorite way to spend the evening he never complained about the chance to watch Tony float around the room, perfectly in control and completely at ease in an environment he was born and bred in. 

Well, usually at ease. His trained eye noticed Tony was more uncomfortable than he usually was at events, although he was hiding it well. It had started when the event first came up a few weeks earlier. 

Tony had shrugged, not looking up from the circuit board he was working on, “It’s not a fundraiser or anything, it’s basically the worst night in the world, but Pep insists on rolling me out to kiss assorted ass at least once a year. It’s upstate, at the old house, and I just- Anyway, it doesn’t matter, just thought I’d offer, since we’re, ya know-” Steve had cut him off before he could continue, simply asking what time he should be ready by.

Tony’s child and early adulthood had only come up a few times while he’d known Steve, and not at all since they started dating several months ago. Anytime it was mentioned Tony would shrug it off, or simply nod along with whatever comments Steve had about Howard. All he’d really gathered since coming out of the ice was that the two men didn’t always see eye to eye. Which didn’t seem out of the realm of possibility, both men had larger than life personalities if nothing else. 

It wasn’t that Tony didn’t crave correcting him but he didn't want to be the one to shatter the perfect image Steve had of Howard. He knew first hand how easy it was to idolize the man, and how far the fall from that high pedestal was. 

He made the mistake halfway through the night to go upstairs to use the restroom, wanting a moment away from the constant buzz the ground floor had to offer. He climbed the stairs and made his way through winding hallways and past familiar rooms, feet stuttering as he passed the entrance to the quarters Jarvis had lived in. It was only two rooms, nothing compared to the sprawling layout of the rest of the mansion, but it had been where Tony had spent the majority of his childhood. 

He went back downstairs after collecting himself, not having used the restroom at all. 

If Tony had seemed uneasy before it was nothing compared to how he looked when he came back downstairs. Steve tactfully excused himself from the man he was talking with and made his way across the large room to his boyfriend, his brows scrunching together slightly when he took in Tony’s pale face and sheen of sweat. 

“Hey, what’s goin’ on?” Steve asked, concern seeping into his voice. “Did something happen?”

“I’m fine, just mingling, making my way through the adoring crowds, you know how it goes.” He smiled, picking up a champagne flute from a passing server’s tray. 

“Why do I not beli-” Steve was cut off as a call of ‘Anthony!’ came from the far end of the room. Tony glanced over his shoulder and barely suppressed a grimace, taking a big gulp of champagne. 

“Duty calls. We’ll get out of here soon, I promise.” Tony sighed with a smile that looked more like a cringe, before heading towards the group who had called him. 

Steve’s shoulders dropped as he headed back to the bar, happy to doodle on cocktail napkins and keep an eye on Tony from afar. Something had seemed off all night, and Steve wouldn’t help but feel the house and the visitors within it weren't helping. 

Over the next 40 minutes, Steve watched as Tony’s body language became more and more tense. The group of men laughed loudly here and there, one of them clapping a hand against Tony’s shoulder at one point. Steve decided to intervene when he watched Tony flinch at the touch. 

He abandoned his napkin sized sketch of Pepper and crossed the room to where Tony was, straining to hear what was being said within the circle. Luckily that meant he could hear clear as day after only a few steps. 

_ Your father’s rolling in his grave to see you taking on this clean energy bullshit.  _

_ He certainly taught you how to spend money, did he ever teach you how to make any? _

_ Lay off, Kirkman, not his fault his old man was too busy with- _

That was the last thing Steve heard before he dropped his hand onto Tony’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “Sorry to interrupt, but Ironman and I are needed back in the city ASAP.” He used the hand on Tony’s shoulder to guide him away from the group and into the front foyer. 

“What’s going on? JARVIS didn’t send an alert, wha… Okay what am I missing, why are you looking at me like that? Not a fan of missing things, Cap.”

Steve was staring at Tony, brow furrowed and eyes searching his face as though if he looked hard enough he’d find the answer he was seeking. “There’s no signal, relax. I just want to get out of here, and you’ve done more than enough for the night. I already sent Pepper a text and she said you were all good to go.”

Tony relaxed a bit, concerned at Steve’s insistence to go home, but more than happy to be done for the night. Within the next ten minutes, they were on a balcony, Tony suited up with an arm wrapped around Cap. They hadn’t taken a car because, “Flying is just faster, Steveroo, plus traffic back into Manhattan? No thank you.” 

Another ten and they were touching down on the landing pad of the Tower, Tony’s suit falling away as he walked into the living room. “God I’m fucking beat.” He groaned, heading straight to their room, looking over his shoulder when he got to the elevator and didn’t hear Steve behind him. 

“You comin', big guy?” 

“I’ve gotta look at some SHEILD documents before midnight, I’ll be up soon.” Steve smiled, pushing away the nagging voice that scolded him for lying to his boyfriend. (The voice sounded suspiciously like Sarah Rogers’) 

Tony just gave a thumbs up before the elevator doors closed, taking him up and away to their private floor. Steve glanced up to the ceiling after milling about for 20 minutes, “Jarvis, is Tony asleep?”

“Master Stark has been asleep for approximately 8 minutes, Captain.”

He silently thanked god for whatever had made the insomniac fall asleep easily and headed to his office.


	2. All American Snooping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to find answers. JARVIS helps as much as he can.

Steve rubbed his hands over his face and looked over his shoulder. The sun was just starting to rise and he hadn’t slept at all. After they’d gotten home last night he’d settled in his office, doing some basic googling before bringing out the big guns. 

“Uh, JARVIS?” He asked quietly, still a little confused on the proper etiquette for talking to the AI. “Could I get your help with something?”

“What may I assist you with, Captain?” 

“What can you tell me about Howard? I barely knew the guy, didn’t think there was that much to know. I looked on the internet and it seems I know all the basics. I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something though.” Steve asked, leaning back in the leather rolling chair.

“I’ve accessed your browser history and will move past the basics, as you so eloquently put it, as not to repeat any information. Anecdotal evidence suggests Howard Stark was a womanizer and consequently had a turbulent relationship with his wife, Maria. They fought often, which often led to the house staff stepping in. He was known among colleagues as a ‘man's man’. Those close to Howard would often imply he had a drinking problem-”

“Yeah, that all makes sense. He always had a drink in his hand and never could keep his eyes off a pretty dame. He even made a pass at Peggy once, she knocked him right in the kisser.” Steve chuckled, thinking back to the smug look on Peggy's face after she’d left Howard cradling his jaw. “I guess I meant more regarding his relationship with Tony.” 

“I see. Sir’s relationship with his father was strained to say the least. He would describe it as rather like not having a father at all. If you were to consult any number of behavioral and psychiatric texts, however, Howard Star’s behavior would fit with descriptions of abuse.”

Steve felt a chill run up his spine, immediately searching his memories of Howard for any indications he could have missed. He couldn’t think of anything too blatant, but suddenly the excessive drinking, short temper, and overall frenetic energy of Howard made more sense. He’d been in the ice for all of Tony’s early life of course, but he’d never thought their relationship was any more complicated than two geniuses butting heads. 

“When you say abusive…” 

“I’m afraid that’s all I’m permitted to say, Captain. Protocol “Mind Your Damn Business” forbids me to answer any further questions on the topic. As I said, according to Sir the relationship was little more than dysfunctional. It is only if you were to ask a professional that they  _ might  _ say it was abusive.”

“Right, right… Thank you, JARVIS.” He said softly, a little embarrassed that he hadn’t foreseen Tony having a protocol in place for this. Lucky for him Tony had somehow managed to create an AI who was as sneaky as he was and JARVIS was keen to find loopholes in almost anything, especially if it came to Tony’s wellbeing. Steve had the distinct feeling he’d already been let in on more than he was supposed to know. 

He spent the next six hours having JARVIS help him with anything he could, only after confirming that Tony wouldn’t know what the two had been talking about unless he explicitly asked, within the bounds of various protocols. Eventually, he’d sifted through some old family pictures, some awards and accolades Tony had received during his youth, old SHIELD profiles, and what he could find online that was negative about Howard. 

All in all, he gathered by morning was that while Tony was obviously a very gifted child he didn’t seem to get much recognition at home for it, and that while they had family photos for most holidays (certainly when Tony was younger) everyone in the photos looked stiff and alien. As if they didn’t belong in the same photo as the others. 

He thanked JARVIS yet again and headed down the hallway towards their bedroom, slipping into the bed with Tony. Tony had clearly slept fitfully, half of the pillows were strewn on the floor and his hair was even more wild than usual. He jolted when Steve slid into bed, eyes flying open before he relaxed again. “ ‘murrnin”, he mumbled, letting himself be gathered to Steve's chest with a content sigh. 

“Good morning. How’d you sleep, doll?” Steve asked, pressing a kiss to Tony’s temple.

“Fine, I got to take up as much of the bed as I wanted. SHIELD business run long?” Tony asked, tipping his face up to look at his boyfriend. 

Steve weighed his options, deciding a sleepy, still relaxed Tony was slightly superior to a caffeinated, but already turned up to 11 Tony. “I was actually up talking to JARVIS for most of the night.”

This certainly got Tony’s attention, eyebrows raising to meet the messy curls falling on his forehead. “That’s a shock, I thought you found J, what was it, oh yeah unnecessary and a little creepy.” He baited, rolling onto his side and propping up on an elbow so he could see Steve more easily. 

“Oh, c’mon, that was when I first came to the tower, I thought we were past that!” Steve groaned, ignoring Tony’s wide grin.    
  


“Right, right, of course, now what were you and J talking about?”    
  


“Well, you seemed a little off last night. And I know there was a lot of talk about your family, being at the house and all.” Steve started tentatively, pressing on despite the way Tony stiffened slightly. “I guess I got curious, and I wanted to know more. About you, and your parents. I mean I knew Howard, he made the shield for me obviously, but I didn’t really spend any time with him. I hear people say you’re like him, but I don’t know what to look for. We’ve been together for almost five months and I don't know much about your life before I met you.” 

Tony shrugged, pushing himself to sit up against the pillows, drawing the sheet up around his hips as he did. “There’s not much to know that you couldn’t learn from the National Enquirer, Capsicle. My party days were pretty well publicized. So were my fights with dear old dad.” 

Steve rolled from his back to his side, assuming the position Tony had just vacated. “That’s not what I mean, I mean little baby Tony.” He smiled, thinking back to some of the pictures he’d found the night before. He didn’t want to push too hard, but he also knew Tony well enough to know he wasn't just going to give up the answers. “I don’t know anything about it, and you know all about when I was just a skinny punk in Brooklyn, it only seems fair.” He grinned, hoping if he could make it seem like he was searching for cute kid stories Tony wouldn’t shut him out. 

No such luck. 

Tony tossed the sheet off his hips and stood up, “Well we know better than anyone how unfair life is.” He deadpanned, going to the closet and pulling on a pair of ratty jeans, fishing around for a t-shirt. “There’s nothing exciting you’re missing, trust me. Just a bunch of boring kid-genius stuff. Dad wasn’t really around, busy with trying to find a certain frozen super-soldier, amongst other things. Nothing really exciting happens until I get to MIT, why start the biography before the fun years.” He rambled, pulling on a Metallica t-shirt so quickly he didn’t realize it was inside out. “Anyway, I was gonna work on some stuff in the lab last night, but I was beat, so anyway I’m just gonna...” He trailed off, giving Steve a quick salute before leaving their room and shutting the door behind him. 

“Well, that went well.” Steve grumbled, flopping backwards onto the bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony is a very spookable feral cat of a person and I relate


	3. Shit Shit Shit (A Mantra)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony reels from the events of the morning and Pepper offers some advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bless you for your kudos this is the first multi chapter fic ive written in YEARS and plots are HARD

Tony slumped against the wall as soon as he entered his lab, breathing too quick for comfort, sweat pricking his brow. 

“Lock it up, J. No one in or out.”

“Of course, Sir. Shall I black out the windows as well?”

“You know it.” Tony mumbled, sliding down the wall to curl in on himself, feeling the telltale signs of a panic attack coming on. He stayed there for at least well over an hour, sitting and staring at the floor long after his panic attack subsided. 

He really shouldn’t have just run out on Steve but that was  _ not _ something he was prepared to deal with first thing in the morning. Or ever, really, but that neither here nor there. He’d wanted so badly to just forget about last night, maybe have some distraction sex with his boyfriend, drink enough coffee to kill a man, and then get some work done in the lab. Was that too much to ask?

He mentally replayed what he could remember Steve saying through his panicked fog. Every answer he could come up with to his boyfriends proding were simply not viable options. 

‘Hey Steveroni, my Dad was a bit more than a dick, I got the shit beat out of me on the reg and I only escaped the prison of his home when he sent me to boarding school which was somehow- wait for it- just as bad!’ 

Yeah. Not the best option. 

He could always lie, make up a loving but distant relationship with his father. He’d certainly done it enough times for the press, he could do it again. Somehow he knew Steve wouldn’t be fooled. He pushed up off the floor and made his way over to a workbench, pulling out a circuit board he’d been fiddling with for the last week. 

“J, Back in Black, nice ‘n loud.” He said, cracking his knuckles and getting to work. It was a nice distraction. He easily fell into it, as he always did, the patterns and logic and predictability soothing his mind. 

That is until he fumbled a wire and sent a short, sharp jolt of electricity into his finger. This wouldn’t normally have phased him, he zapped himself once a week at least, but given the way the day had gone so far-

Well. Why not go for two before lunch?

Tony stumbled back from the bench, cradling his hand to his chest as he crashed into the counter behind him. His vision went dark around the edges and his breaths were coming fast, too fast. Suddenly he was five again, the lab wasn’t his, but his fathers. 

_ “Anthony, it’s just a shock, stop sniveling!” Howard snapped, ripping the circuit board out of his son's hands. “If you can’t handle it you shouldn't be down here.” _

_ Tony had shoved his thumb into his mouth, trying to soothe the lingering pain. “But Dad, it hurts!” He cried, releasing his thumb again, wiping it on his Captain America shirt.  _

_ Howard glowered and slammed the circuit board onto a table, sending a few pieces flying across the room as it broke. “It does  _ **_not_ ** _ , you wouldn’t know pain if it slapped you across the face. There are men out there who have done things you couldn't even dream of doing, men I worked with- men I built! And now I’m here with you. You’ve been spoiled, already a sissy, and before you're even 5.”  _

_ Tony whimpered softly and instinctively took a step back, “I-I-I’m s-sorry Dad, I won’t do it again.” _

_ Howard downed and then refilled his previously abandoned drink, glaring down at his son. “Good. I ever see you cry again, I’ll give you something to really cry about. Now get the hell out of here.”  _

Tony was curled up on the floor with his hands covering his ears when he felt a hand grab onto his wrist. He threw out an arm instinctively, his eyes shooting open. 

“Ow, damnit!” Steve moaned, bringing a hand up to his jaw as he stumbled back from Tony. He quickly put his hands out in front of him, “Hey, hey, Tony it’s okay. It’s Steve, you’re in the lab, at the tower.” He said softly, watching Tony’s eyes dart around the room frantically.

Tony blinked through the tears, taking a gasping breath, “J?”

“The Captain is correct, Sir. You are at your residence and there are no impending threats. I unsealed the lab per the ‘Pepper is Overreacting’ protocol.” JARVIS answered.

Tony nodded to himself, finally focusing his eyes on Steve. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” He started before Steve cut him off. 

“Hey, no, it’s okay. We all get them, it’s okay, I shouldn’t have tried to touch you.” Steve was quick to assure him, sliding to sit next to Tony. “Are you okay? JARVIS just told me you were having a panic attack and that I might be needed in the lab.”

Tony nodded, suddenly even more embarrassed. ‘We all get them’ Yeah, his team members had panic attacks and their fair share of PTSD- but their memories were of wars, aliens, battles too big for them to fight. 

His were the memories of a scared little boy, a boy who, apparently, was still scared. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Tony mumbled, resting his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. 

Steve took it as an invitation for more contact and drew Tony closer to him, and wrapping him up securely in his arms. “Tony…” He sighed, “I’m sorry about this morning. I shouldn't have pushed you like that, it’s your life and if you don’t want to share it with me, that’s your decision. I’m just glad I get to be a part of it now.” He finished, pressing a kiss to the top of Tony’s head. 

Tony felt his eyes well up again and blinked back the tears before he spoke. “No, I shouldn’t have just run out of there like that. It’s not that I don’t want to tell you.” (Okay, so it kind of is, sue him.) “I just….I don’t like to talk about it. You know Jarvis practically raised me?”

Steve nodded but kept silent, not wanting to interrupt. 

“Yeah, well, that doesn’t make for a great relationship with your actual parents. Howard and I fought when I got older, everyone knows that. But by then we’d already been fighting as long as I can remember.” Tony shrugged.

Steve nodded again, adding that to the list of facts he’d been collecting since the night before. “I get it. I mean, I don’t, but I understand having things you don’t want to talk about. It wasn’t fair of me, I’m sorry.” 

Tony wiped off his face and lifted his head, offering Steve a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “That’s alright, Capsicle. No harm, no foul. Now, how about we do lun-” 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Sir, but Ms. Potts is approaching the lab.” JARVIS chimed in, “Would you like me to unseal the lab?”

“Fuuuuuuck, I forgot about that goddamn board meeting.” Tony whined. “Let her in, J, she’ll just use her override code if we don't.”

No sooner had he said it than the doors opened, a sharp click of heels drawing closer.    
  


“Tony? Stop hiding, you have to go.” Pepper called, looking around the lab.   
  


“But I don't wanna!” Tony groaned, poking his head up over the workbench. 

  
“Well too bad, you have too. What are you doing on the floor?” Pepper asked, walking closer to where he and Steve were seated on the floor. “Oh, hello Steve.” She greeted me with a smile. 

  
Tony ignored her question in favor of posing another one, “I would rather die than go. What do you want to get me out of it? Vacation? Shopping spree? Buy you Paris?” He tried, waggling his eyebrows at her.    
  


Pepper shook her head, taking in his bloodshot eyes and puffy face, “It’s never worked before, Tony. And I hate Paris, it’s Venice that I love. Now go get ready, we’re leaving in 20 minutes.”

Tony headed to his bedroom after another ten minutes of complaining, leaving Steve and Pepper alone in the lab. 

Pepper turned to Steve as soon as Tony was gone. “Is he alright? He’s not, obviously, but what happened? He doesn’t usually look  _ that _ bad, and JARVIS told me he used my old protocol to let you into the lab. I can’t even remember the last time JARVIS used it.” 

“If I may, the last recorded use of the protocol was last year on the eve of the gala in Howard Stark's honor.”

Pepper’s face dropped a bit more, if possible, and she nodded. “Thank you, JARVIS.”

Steve’s brow was furrowed when Pepper looked back to him. “What happened last year?” He asked softly, somehow worried Tony would hear him from several floors above. 

Pepper leaned back on the workbench, looking down at her well manicured nails. “There was a big gala, all about that asshole, Tony was stressed about it for weeks, and he got himself so worked up that I was…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “He scared me, is all. He gets pretty….out of control when it comes to Howard.” 

Steve was fairly certain he’d never heard Pepper being so biased against anyone. Although, maybe they were in some secret Tony’s-partners club that allowed him this level of access to her unfiltered thoughts when it came to the man in question. Either way, he was happy to have someone who knew Tony so well on his side. 

“I’m starting to get that.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “What do I do? He won’t talk to me about it and I don’t wanna push.” He said, fighting a pang of guilt that lingered from the morning. 

Pepper lifted a shoulder slightly, looking resigned. “Look, Steve, as much as I’d love to, it’s not mine to tell. You need to talk to Tony about it. But there’s no harm in gathering information before you do. We should do lunch soon, tell Tony it’s for something official and he’ll want no part of it.” She said with a small, fond smile. 

“I’d love that. Thank you, Pepper.” Steve smiled, glancing at his watch. “I’m gonna go check on him, make sure he hasn’t taken a suit and run off.” He chuckled, heading towards the lab doors.

Right before he walked out he heard his name and looked over his shoulder. 

“Maybe give Rhodey a call too.” Pepper said, her gaze back to serious. 

“Yes, Ma’am.” 


	4. A Careful Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve learns to meet Tony where he is. 
> 
> Tony is trying to open up, he wants to share everything, every part of himself, with Steve. It's not his fault there's so much that's not worth dredging up.

It was two weeks before Pepper and Steve managed to have lunch together and it was enlightening to say the least. 

Steve left with a slightly more clear picture, but still one with gaping holes. One of the many takeaways was that if he wanted to talk to Tony about it he needed to ask him and then give him space to retreat; the retreat was inevitable. 

He planned the rest of his day carefully, leaving Tony to decompress in his lab after a stressful conference call that had started his morning. He ordered burgers from Tony’s favorite greasy diner and changed into a pair of grey sweats, a white t-shirt, and a worn blue hoodie that he left unzipped. (It was always a little cold in Tony’s lab.)

Tony was on the floor of the lab crouched beneath the torso of the most recent suit, a screwdriver held between his teeth. His head was half hidden inside the machinery, the blaring music drowning out the sound of Steve entering the lab. 

Steve slipped into the lab, walking towards the corner of the lab where the beat up futon, kitchenette, and bathroom were. Since they’d started dating Steve had added a wing back chair to the corner, at Tony’s insurance.

“I’m tired of hearing you bitch about how uncomfortable my precious baby is, get whatever chair you want Grampa!” Tony had huffed, pointing a soldering iron in the direction of the futon. 

Steve smiled fondly at the memory and set the tray of food down on the workbench stool that operated as a table, settling into his chair. 

Tony’s head appeared from the suit a moment later, grease smudged across his cheek, but looking triumphant. “There! Alright, J. Run diagnostics now and  _ then _ tell me it won’t work.” The music volume lowered significantly when JARVIS replied dutifully, thankfully staying at a reasonable level even after he’d finished. 

Tony stood up and stretched his arms over his head, jeans riding low on his hips. Steve licked his lips before letting out a low whistle, looking far too smug when Tony whipped around, finally noticing his boyfriend sitting in the alcove of the workshop.    
  


“What a bombshell.” Steve grinned.

Tony huffed out a quiet laugh, “JARVIS, kill the tunes.” He grunted, rolling his neck a few times as he walked over to his boyfriend. “Is there a burger for the bombshell?” He teased, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Steve’s cheek. 

“Of course there is, I don’t have a death wish.” Steve remarked, leaning back in his chair and starting on his burger. Tony settled cross-legged on the futon, and started eating. The meal passed in relative silence, Tony inhaling his burger before Steve had finished his. He laid back on the futon, stretching out in every direction before coming to rest on his side. 

Steve watched Tony’s cat-like stretch with a fond smile, raising an eyebrow slightly when Tony crooked a finger in his direction. He held his gaze for a minute before giving in, sliding the TV tray over before joining Tony on the futon. 

Tony rolled onto his back, pulling Steve to straddle his thighs. “Thanks for bringing lunch.” He murmured as he fisted a hand in Steve’s shirt, pulling him down for a kiss.

Following easily, Steve propped himself up on his forearms and returned the kiss. He pulled back as much as he could when Tony deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping into Steve’s mouth. 

“Wait, wait, this isn’t why I came down here.” He sputtered, choking on his words as Tony pressed open mouthed kisses up the side of his neck.    
  


“Yeah, I know, you came down to make sure I ate, which I did. And now I’d like to distract myself from work further. You should be happy, really, look at me, not working.” Tony mumbled between kisses, ending at Steve’s earlobe and taking it into his mouth. 

“T-Tony, wait.” Steve protested, getting a hand on Tony’s chest and pushing him back forcefully, his head bouncing a bit when it hit the pillow. 

Tony licked his lips, raking his eyes over the blonde's broad chest and strong arms, “If you’re trying to stop me, pinning me down probably isn’t the best idea.” He teased, rolling his hips up against Steve’s.

Steve huffed out a breath and schooled his face into something more serious, but hopefully not too serious. “I came down here to feed you and talk to you about something, actually.”

Tony stilled, his face drooping slightly. “Well, that doesn’t sound anywhere near as fun.” 

Steve moved over to lay next to Tony on his side, propped on an elbow so he could look down at him. “It’s not a big deal, relax. I just want to…” He trailed off, suddenly not sure what his plan was here. “I wanted to apologize again, for what happened a few weeks ago. I know you said I didn’t, but I can’t help but feel like I triggered the panic attack you had in the lab.” 

Tony stiffened under him but showed no signs of running, or interrupting, so he continued. “I don’t need to know anything you don’t want to share, but I’m your boyfriend, Tony. You don’t have to go through...whatever it is, by yourself. I want to help. I want to know how to comfort you when you’re like that. But I don’t have any idea where to start.” 

Tony brought a hand up to rub over his face, “Look, I’m sorry I’m an-”

Steve cut him off, “No, none of that. That’s not what I’m saying, baby. I just want you to  _ think _ about sharing, okay? I’ll respect it if you don’t want to, of course. But I don’t want you to carry this alone.” He said softly, pulling Tony’s hand away so he could press a kiss to his forehead. 

Tony looked up at Steve, taking in his words before nodding, just once. “Yeah, okay. I-I can… I’ll think about it.” He stammered, trying to offer a small smile. 

Steve’s relief hung heavy in the air as he let out a long breath. “Thank you, Tony. For even considering it. I love you, that’s why I want to help.” 

“I love you too, Steverino.”  
  


“I’m gonna head up to the gym and get a workout in before dinner, I’ll give you some space. You wanna hide out here the rest of the day, cool. You decide you want to talk, come find me. Whatever you need, okay?” Steve whispered, pressing another kiss to Tony’s temple before standing up.

A minute later Tony was alone, still flopped back on the futon, his brain already starting to try to solve the perceived problem at hand. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Steve woke up around midnight, having dozed off in his reading chair. He set his book on the table and stood up, running a hand through his sleep mussed hair. “Is Tony still in the lab?” He asked, though he knew the answer. 

“He is, Captain.” JARVIS answered.

“Ask him if I can come down, please?”

Tony had obviously spent the rest of the day tinkering if the state of the lab was anything to go by. There were tools, projects, papers, and for some reason a rather large box, all scattered around the room. The man in question was sitting amidst all the mess, sifting through a stack of old notes when JARVIS spoke. 

“The Captain is requesting access to the lab, Sir.” Tony lifted his head and checked the time. They both knew Steve could come down without an invitation but that he was giving Tony an out if he wanted to be alone. 

“Tell him to get his hunky ass down here, then.” Tony answered, glancing around at the state of disarray the lab was in. It was only another minute or two before the doors slid open and Steve walked in, letting out a low whistle as he looked around the room.    
  


“Someone’s been busy.” He remarked, walking over to Tony and sliding his arms around his chest. “How ya doin’?”

“I’m alright. Thinking.” Tony replied, not feeling the need to elaborate.

Steve hummed in response, “What’s all this stuff?” He asked, looking at the cardboard box on the floor. 

“Thinking supplies.” Tony joked. “It’s just a box of old stuff. I haven’t looked through it in ages. Mostly early designs, my first robot, some pictures, that kind of shit.”

A video suddenly appeared in front of them, showing a young Tony playing (Working on?) with something Steve didn’t recognize. There was a tall lanky boy next to him, clearly older than Tony though still young, resting his hands on the boy's shoulders and commenting on whatever they were looking at. “Good job, Anty, work like this and we’ll win for s-” 

“JARVIS, shut it off.” Tony snapped, sounding choked. The video was gone as quickly as it had appeared, leaving the lab in an uncomfortable silence before JARVIS spoke. 

“My apologies, Sir. I was simply done transferring over the film to my system and was playing it as requested.” 

Steve frowned and moved his hands from Tony’s chest to his shoulders, giving him a little more room to breathe. “You don’t have to talk about-”

So much for taking things at his own pace, thanks a lot JARVIS, way to fuck it up. Tony shook his head, not looking back at Steve when he spoke. “It’s a video from my boarding school. That was my roommate. There was a competition between all of the students who were into engineering. I…  _ we _ -” His face scrunched up as he corrected himself before continuing, “-made a cell phone operated land rover. We won, obviously. I was the best even then.” He finished with an unconvincing smirk. 

Steve listened carefully and nodded along. “Of course you were, no one else stood a chance.” He began, rubbing along Tony’s shoulders in steady circles. “So, boarding school huh? I mean I knew you went to one before MIT but you looked pretty young there.” 

Tony half shrugged, letting his head tip forward as Steve’s hands slowly worked towards the base of his neck. “I think I was, yeah that was the first year, so I was seven?” 

The hands on his shoulders slowed to a stop as Steve processed the implications of that. “Wait, so you were all alone at boarding school when you were seven? That seems really, really young. Or did that change while I was in the ice?” He questioned, starting his hands back up despite the slight edge to his voice. 

“Well, my parents were busy and they wanted me out of their hair, so away I went.” Tony said factually, as though there was nothing wrong with the statement. 

With a final squeeze Steve let go of Tony’s shoulders and spun the stool around so he could look at him. “Well, they shouldn’t have. That’s too young to send your child away from you, I don’t care what the circumstances are.” He asserted, his voice unwavering but his eyes soft. “You deserved better than that, I’m sorry you didn’t get it.” He finished, thinking back to the articles he had read on how to speak to abuse survivors. (Not that he knew anything for certain, but it was becoming more and more clear. Signs were adding up, things he couldn’t believe he’d missed before.)

Tony gaped up at him, apparently rendered speechless for once; Steve would have gloated under different circumstances. He fidgeted in his seat a little, eyes flicking to and from Steve’s face a few times. “Uhh, thanks. I guess.” He finally spit out, vaguely hearing some therapist from years ago saying something about accepting people's sympathy and not shooting it down. 

Steve just leaned down to give him a quick kiss. “Thank you for telling me. I’m gonna head to bed, you comin’ sweet’art?” He yawned, straightening back up. 

“Yeah, c’mon, it’s way past your bedtime.” Tony teased, standing up. “Shut it down for the night, J. And lock down the lab, I don't want anyone seeing all this shit.” 


	5. The Centennial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony get some much needed alone time after a long week, but the stress won't stay away for long.

The next month passed without incident. Well, without incident if you ignored the giant sewer monsters that had decided to have a field day in Harlem last week. It was nothing the team couldn’t handle, of course, but there had been mounds of paperwork to deal with, and seeing as everyone else had an extreme aversion to doing it, it fell on Steve. To add to it, Nat’s widow bites had malfunctioned during the fight, which meant Tony had been holed up in the lab working. 

Tonight, though.    
  


Tonight they were finally going to have some time together, and Tony was more excited than he was willing to admit. He even wrapped up in the lab and headed up to their private floor before they were supposed to be getting back. He checked the time, noting that he still had 20 minutes before Steve would be back from headquarters. 

“JARVIS, let me know when Cap’s parking.” He requested, heading to their bathroom to take a quick shower. He was just curling up on the couch, now changed into clean clothes, and feeling significantly less gross, when JARVIS let him know Steve was entering the parking garage. “Mmm, right on time. Thanks, J.” Tony hummed, looking back to the article he was reading on his StarkPad.

Steve walked out of the elevator a few minutes later, wearing dark wash jeans, a grey t-shirt, and his brown leather jacket. He toed off his shoes and hung up his jacket before crossing the room without a word. He lifted Tony’s legs and sat next to him, laying his legs back over his lap when he was settled. Tony peered over the top of the StarkPad with an amused grin, “Comfy?” He teased. 

“Very. What’re ya readin’?” 

“A new abstract on a safe material handling system though obstacle avoiding technique through automation.” Tony replied, grin not wavering as Steve took the tablet from his hand and set it on the coffee table. 

“Right, right, of course. I read about that in the paper this morning.” Steve rolled his eyes, reaching to grab Tony’s hips and haul him up into his lap. 

Tony let out an indignant squeak, resting his back against Steve’s broad chest once he was seated. “How did the meeting go?” He asked, tipping his head back to rest on the other man's shoulder. 

“It was fine, pretty normal. Just going over the mission reports and touching base about the intel they’ve been gathering. They’re still working on it but hopefully, we’ll have a real idea where they’re sourcing the materials.” Steve answered, “How was your day?”

Tony hummed an agreement, licking his lips when he felt Steve pressing kisses down the column of his neck. “Sounds boring, I much prefer my abstracts. I finally worked out the bug in the code I’ve been working on for days, so that’s good.”

Steve smiled against Tony’s skin, nosing his shirt aside enough to suck lightly where his neck met his shoulder. “I missed you. This week has been never-ending.” He said quietly, uncurling his arms when Tony started turning around. He smiled up at the brunette when he got settled, now straddling Steve, looping his arms around his neck.    
  


“Of course you did, I’m the best. I’m also very on board with this whole, Limited-Edition-Handsy-Cap thing, very off-brand for you but I’m damn sure not complaining.” Tony tipped his head to the side more as Steve continued to work his way up and down Tony’s neck.

“I didn’t think you’d be too opposed.” Steve chuckled, suddenly standing up, cupping Tony’s ass in both hands as legs came up to secure around his waist. Tony stifled a little moan when he was hoisted up and carried to their bedroom, never not getting a little thrill out of how  _ strong _ Steve was. 

Steve walked to their bedroom without stopping his work on Tony’s neck, only relenting when he sat on the edge of the bed, Tony still in his lap. Tony rolled his hips down, groaning softly when he felt Steve already getting hard against him. 

“What’s the plan, big guy?” He asked, tangling a hand in Steve’s hair and using it to guide him away from his neck. He reached for the hem of Steve’s shirt and pulled it up over his head, suppressing a smile when his boyfriend’s hands immediately went back to his ass. He tossed the shirt to the floor and moved his hands to rest on Steve’s pecs, tracing a nipple with his thumb. 

With a small shrug and a distinct heat in his eyes, Steve met Tony’s gaze. “I didn’t have anything specific in mind, it’s just been too long since I got to touch you.” He answered casually, breath catching only slightly at Tony’s touch before he moved his hands from Tony’s ass with a parting squeeze when he found his lap empty.    
  


“Well, that’s certainly fixable.” Tony patted the bed and waited until Steve was laying back against the headboard to settle between his legs, palming his over his jeans. Steve let out a moan, letting his eyes slip shut as he spoke: “I feel like this is the longest we’ve gone without sex since you finally realized I was coming on to you.” 

“Not my fault, your old-timey coming onto someone didn’t register. Could be though, unless we’re counting that trip to Japan I had to take, but I think the phone sex negates that trip, even if I didn’t get to  _ see _ you come.” Tony pondered, unbuttoning Steve’s jeans and sliding the zipper down casually. “Since you didn’t have a plan beyond dragging me to the bedroom- a good plan, by the way, have I said that yet? Loving this plan. Anyway, I’m thinking I’ll go down on you, then ride you, hm?” 

Steve lifted up his hips so Tony could slide his jeans off, which he did obligingly, along with his boxers. “No objections here.” He murmured, watching as Tony settled back between his legs again, hips twitching with a sharp breath when Tony licked a long stripe up his shaft.

“No objections  _ here _ , indeed.” Tony teased with a pointed look at Steve’s now rock hard cock. 

Steve rolled his eyes, “Ton-yyy” His chiding turned into a low groan as Tony took the head into his mouth, sucking gently. He swirled his tongue around the head, dipping into the slit and teasing under the ridge where Steve was especially sensitive. Steve dropped a hand to thread through the other man's hair, “God, sweetheart.” He sighed, propping up on an elbow to watch Tony. 

Tony dropped his head down, tracing the vein that ran the length of Steve’s shaft as he did. He took his time, running his tongue over every ridge as if dedicated to committing them to memory. He waited until Steve’s hips were rocking up slowly, soft sounds escaping his mouth involuntarily before he pulled off. 

Steve licked his lips at the sight of Tony’s mussed hair and tented sweats, reaching down to pull Tony up to him. “Why are you still wearing clothes?” He asked, promptly pulled Tony’s shirt up over his head, revealing the arc reactor, before pressing him back into the mattress. Tony dropped his head back against the pillows, letting out a sigh of relief when his sweats followed a minute later. “Dunno. Good thinking though, much better this way.”

Steve reached for the lube in the bedside table with one hand, the other wrapping around Tony’s cock mercifully. Tony moaned breathily at the sudden friction, pumping up into Steve’s hands a few times. Steve let go after a moment, slicking up two fingers instead, nudging Tony’s legs apart with his knees. “You’re so gorgeous, darlin’.” He gushed, rubbing a finger around Tony’s rim slowly. 

Tony felt his cheeks flush with the compliment. Anyone could get Steve to blush, it wasn’t difficult, but Tony? Steve was the  _ only _ one who could get any color on Tony’s cheeks. And it didn’t even have to be dirty, sometimes all it took for Tony to go red was a murmured, “Mornin’ doll”. He rocked his hips down a bit, “C’mon, don’t be a tease, I’ve been waiting all week.” He enticed, looking up at Steve coyly. 

“Oh, well, in that case.” Steve pushed his finger all the way in with a lascivious grin, giving Tony a millisecond to adjust before he started moving it slowly. Tony groaned long and low, letting his head fall back, “Fuck yes, that’s it.” He urged, letting his legs fall further open. By the time Steve was up to three fingers Tony was rocking his hips consistently, letting out a near-constant stream of sound.    
  


Steve curled his fingers one more time to hear Tony moan his name before he slipped his fingers out. No sooner had he wiped them off on the sheets than he found himself on his back, always happy to follow wherever Tony was trying to position him. (All it would take was the slightest bit of resistance and Tony wouldn’t be able to shift him an inch, which they were both more than aware of.)

Tony reached for the lube and slicked up Steve’s cock before getting himself positioned. He braced himself with one hand on Steve’s chest, the other holding the base of his erection as he slid down, letting out a pleased sigh when Steve bottomed out. He moved his hand so they were both resting on the broad chest under him, rocking his hips a few times. 

Steve gripped Tony’s hips, looking up at him with dark eyes, “You feel so good, always so good.” 

Tony used his thighs to lift up and drop back down, relishing in the moan it elicited from Steve. “You’re tellin’ me.” He mumbled, repeating the motion a few times before finding the angle that made him, “Oh fuuuuck.” He groaned, picking up speed as he started riding Steve in earnest. 

Steve tightened his grip on Tony’s hips, helping lift him when his movements got more jerky. “I’m not gonna, oh god, be able to last much longer.” He bit out, grinding his hips up against Tony’s.

Tony dropped down to his forearms, nipping at Steve’s neck before murmuring in his ear. “Fuck me then, we both know you’ve got more than one in you.” Steve planted his feet on the bed and started thrusting into Tony with more force, wrapping his arms protectively around his body. 

Steve held onto Tony tightly, groaning out his name as he came a moment later, hips canted off the bed and head tipped back. “Mmm, never get tired of that.” Tony smirked, circling his hips a few times before he found himself on his back, Steve still hard inside him. “This okay?” Steve asked breathily, grinning when Tony nodded immediately, “As long as you start moving.” 

“That, I can do.” Steve chuckled, holding up Tony’s thighs effortlessly as he started to rock into him, slow and deliberate. He found the spot he was looking for a minute later, watching Tony’s cock twitch against his stomach as he let out a string of curses. “C’mon darlin’, I can feel how close you are.” Steve husked, a bit of his old accent bleeding through. 

Tony dropped his hand to stroke himself in time with Steve’s thrusts, only lasting another minute before his back arched as he came over his fist. The feeling of Tony tightening around him had Steve coming again only a few thrusts later with a cry. “God, that was good. No more going without sex. I don't care if it’s aliens or sewage monsters or giant squids, we’re fucking at  _ least _ twice a week.” Tony sighed, smiling as Steve pulled out and flopped down next to him.    
  
“That seems reasonable to me.” Steve agreed, gathering Tony to his chest and smoothing back his hair from his forehead before letting his hand come to rest right next to the blue light on Tony’s chest. “I love you.” He said softly, eyes shining with undeniable adoration. Tony gave him a small smile and nodded, “I know. I love you too, you-”

“My apologies, Sir but Ms. Potts has requested your presence.”

“No, not home, just got fucked, no way I’m leaving this bed. Tell her to call again tomorrow.” Tony hummed, unperturbed. 

“She’s here in person and I’m afraid she won’t take no for an answer, Sir.”

Tony let out a long whine, “Whyyyyy, what does she want J?” He asked, ignoring the look of endearment Steve was giving him. 

“She, and I quote, ‘None of this would be necessary if you returned any of my emails, but I need to talk to you right now, Tony, I don't care if you don't want to, I’ll come in there myself’.”

Tony looked as though he were seriously considering calling her bluff when Steve fixed him with a glare, “Don’t you dare.” 

“Ugh, fine! Tell her not to get her panties in a twist, I’m coming. Where is she?” Tony relented, getting off the bed and walking to the closet. He pulled on a pair of sweats and a thin white tank top, the light of the arc reactor shining through it.   
  


“She is waiting in the living room, Sir.” 

With a roll of his eyes Tony headed out to the living room, closing the bedroom door behind him. “Pep! My love! My light! What can I do ya for?” He asked, crossing to the bar to pour himself a drink. 

Pepper was sitting on the couch with her legs folded under her, still in her business attire, minus the heels which were sitting neatly on the floor. “Not ignore my emails for weeks and then try to escape after I came up here to talk to you.” She answered with a raised eyebrow, accepting the glass of wine Tony offered her when he returned to the couch. 

“Fair enough.” Tony shrugged, sitting across from her. “So, whats up? What have I gotten us into this time?” He asked, glancing over as Steve entered the room. Steve looked much more presentable than Tony, in a pair of nice joggers and a hoodie, having clearly run a comb through his fair and washed his face before leaving the bedroom. 

Steve smiled and nodded at Pepper, “Ms. Potts, lovely to see you again. I hope I’m not interrupting something.” Pepper returned the smile, “Likewise, Captain. Not at all, I’m sorry to intrude but I actually need Tony to work with me on this one.” (Pepper had tried to get Steve to call her Pepper, or even Pep, but hadn’t had any luck. She insisted on calling Steve Captain in return, refusing to drop the formality until he did. Tony and Rhodey had a bet on who would cave first) 

Steve took a seat next to Tony as Pepper continued. “You didn’t actually do anything this time, not that I’m aware of anyway.” She teased, voice softening a bit as she asked the next question. “Do you remember the conversation we had around this time last year?”

Tony snorted, taking another sip of his drink, “Pep, I didn’t know what you were allergic to and we were together for years, I think it’s safe to say I have no fuckin idea what we talked about last year.” 

“It’s strawberries, for the thousandth time, Tony! God, I’ll never understand how a genius can be so stupid.” Pepper huffed, dropping her shoulders and tone again. “Look, you’re not gonna like it, but we have to talk about it. And I tried to ease you into it, but you’re forcing my hand. Howard’s 100th birthday is coming up next week-”

Tony muttered something under his breath and drained the rest of his glass, getting up and making his way back to the bar for a refill without a word.

“And we could really use it to our advantage. We could roll out the new grant initiatives, announce the patents, any new projects you’re excited about, all while everyone is gathered talking about Stark anyway.” Pepper finished, letting the silence hang for a minute before continuing. “Tony….I know you don’t want to do it. But there are going to be celebrations and if you’re not in attendance…”

Tony nodded, not looking up from whatever drink he was mixing. “Yeah, yeah, it’ll look like I hated the guy, and we can’t have that.” He said with a wry smile. “So what do I have to do? Show up, shake hands, listen to people kiss his deceased ass all night? How is that different from every other event?” He grumbled, sitting back down next to Steve. 

“Well... Listen, before you say anything, I’d be there, Rhodey already said he’d-”

“Spit it out, Pep.” Tony snapped nervously. Pepper never beat around the bush. And she never handled him like he was fragile, one of the many things he loved about her, unless she thought it would actually do some damage. 

“It’s a two day event, at the mansion. Day one is a big fundraiser. A few STEM scholarships, experimental research grants, and of course the Maria Stark Foundation. Day two would be… The board thinks it would be good to get some footage of you at the old house, talking about growing up there, maybe working in his old lab, fond memories.” She finished with a cringe. 

Steve closed his mouth when he’d finished processing the request, eyes shooting to Tony. Tony was sitting stiff as a board, eyes focused intensely on the coffee table in front of them. “The board, huh? Should have known those old bastards would actually be  _ excited _ for this shit.” He grumbled, taking a long drink from his glass before lapsing back into a heavy silence. “Two days? No way to make that shorter?” He finally asked, not looking at either of them. 

“I’m afraid that’s already down from five days. You’d… You’d have to stay at the mansion, filming would be going on only during the second day. You can bring the team, Rhodey and I will be there, I’ll do the guest list myself. We can…  _ try _ to make it a good two days.” Pepper murmured, her voice more gentle than Steve could ever remember hearing it. 

Tony let out a dry laugh, throwing the rest of his drink back. “Sure. Fuck it. Why not. Nothing I haven’t done before. Anything to keep the legacy alive, right?” He concluded, setting the glass on the coffee table. “Is there anything else? Want me to build a shrine? Maybe ask to have him knighted posthumously? Maybe get a bunch of coke and go to Atlantic City like I used to on his birthday?!?” He asked, standing and pacing around the living room. 

“Tony, please-” Steve started, “If it’s something you don’t want to do you don’t have to, right? Why is this even a conversation?” He asked, looking frantically between Pepper and Tony. Pepper hesitated before nodding solemnly, “He’s right, you know you don’t have to-”

“And you know I  _ do _ have to, even if it is fucking unfair.” Tony shot back, rubbing a hand over his face. “Fine just, I’m sorry, I know  _ you’re _ not the one making me do it. And that you wouldn’t even be asking if there was any way to get out of it. Just get it all arranged, keep me out of it until I have to be dragged into it.” He sighed, shoulders dropping in defeat. 

Pepper nodded, shooting Steve a sympathetic glance as she slipped back on her heels. She walked over to Tony and pulled him into a tight hug before he could resist. “You’ll be okay. I’ve seen you do crazier stuff.” She said, pressing a tender kiss to his forehead. 

He relaxed against her, accepting the familiar comfort easily. “You and Rhodey will be there?” He asked quietly. 

“Of course. Whatever you need, consider it done.” She answered, giving Steve a nod and a small wave before going to the elevator and disappearing. 

Tony watched the elevator doors slide shut before he turned back to Steve, who looked bewildered, and maybe a little pissed. He floundered for words for a moment before finding what he deemed an appropriate response. 

“What the hell is goin’ on?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not super happy with this chapter but #.# sitting on it longer won't help lol
> 
> also finally some smut because we all deserve it


	6. What a Crumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our two boys finally clear some things up.

“What the hell is goin’ on?” 

Tony let the silence hang in the air before shaking his head, “You heard her it's Annual-Kiss-Howards-Ass-Day, even more momentous than last year.” He grumbled, retrieving his glass and refilling it again. “Who the fuck even celebrates a dead guys birthday?”

“Why do you have to do it, I don’t understand… Pepper doesn’t seem like she’d make you do anything you were really uncomfortable with.” Steve asked, eyes staying fixed on Tony as he moved frantically around the room. 

“She wouldn’t, she knows how hard this is for me.” Tony snapped defensively, sloshing a bit of his drink over the side of his glass as he motioned with his hand. “Shit Steve, I’m sorry, I just… I can’t do this right now, okay? I need to go to work.” He finished, voice closer to pleading than he’d like to admit as he headed towards the elevator. 

Steve stood up and followed him, still leaving a decent gap between them. “Tony, please. Just tell me what's going on, or at least how I can help you.”

Tony laughed, a wet broken sound, spinning back to look at Steve. “You wanna know how you can help? Convince everyone in the world that all the good they saw in Howard was a big fat fuckin’ lie. Get me out of saving face for him. I’m tired of maintaining his ‘legacy’ or his ‘public image, Anthony’.” He dropped his voice to an imitation of Howards. 

Steve reached out and grabbed Tony’s wrist as he started to walk into the elevator. “I don’t think that. I was in the ice by the time he was a household name and everyone was forming opinions about him.” He said softly, dropping Tony’s wrist. “I only know what I saw and what I’ve heard about him since I woke up, and none of it has been good.” He continued, deciding to throw caution to the wind. “It sounds to me like he was a mean, drunk, abusive, cruel, all-around asshole. I’m sorry no one saw that.”

Tony let the elevator doors close behind him, his jaw damn near on the ground. 

Because,  _ what _ ? No really, what the _FUCK._

“I’m sorry, one more time?”

Steve rolled his eyes, “You really think I thought he was some saint? He was a punk back when I knew him, his jokes were too mean, he tried to make a pass at every dame he saw, and he lost control in front of his peers more than once. I don’t know why you think you can’t talk to me about it... About him.” 

Tony just continued to stare, as if he’d never seen Steve before. Or rather, as if Steve suddenly had several heads and Tony was the only one noticing. His face soon shifted to a familiar one, the one he wore when he was looking at some piece of code or machinery that he was still working out. 

He finally walked back into the living room, passing Steve before turning on his heel again, “Wait, so you’re seriously telling me you weren’t friends?!” He half yelled, setting (slamming?) his glass onto the coffee table. 

Steve’s eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up, “What? No, coworkers at most. What on earth gave you that impression?” He asked, genuinely bewildered. 

Tony’s face lit up momentarily before he dissolved into giggles. “O-Oh my god!” He wheezed out between laughs, falling back onto the couch. “This is incredible! Someone alert the fucking presses!” He cackled, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. 

Steve glanced around the room as if he might find the answer to Tony’s delirium sitting politely on the loveseat. “Okay, starting to feel like I’m missing something again.” He said cautiously, sitting on the other end of the couch from Tony.    
  


Once Tony had finally collected himself he shook his head slightly, leaning it on the back of the couch as he stared up at the ceiling. “He said you were buddies. Colleagues, best friends, thought very highly of each other, you had a great respect for the work he’d done, you’d be nothing without him, etc.” Tony explained. 

Steve’s brow furrowed, “Really? I knew him but I certainly wouldn’t call us best friends. I had to work with him enough but I always felt like I didn’t know him at all. Like the version we got a SHIELD was some kind of mask.” He contemplated, shrugging up a shoulder. “If I’d have known he was sayin’ all that, I’da set it straight when I woke up. Sayin’ he made me, what a crumb.” He grumbled, slipping back into his old accent towards the end. 

Tony stood up and took his glass to the bar, pouring the rest out and leaving the glass in the sink. He stared at Steve for a long minute, allowing them both to process. “You really weren’t close?” He asked, leaning back against the bar.

“We weren’t, honest. Don’t get me wrong, he was smart, I mean we couldn’t have done it without him, but that’s all he was to me. Another lab coat who made all  _ this _ happen.” Steve answered, vaguely gesturing to himself.

Tony nodded, taking in Steve’s earnest face. Pepper was right, he should have just talked to Steve about it all when it first came up. He’d have to remember to send her a nice bottle of something later. “Okay.” he said simply, heading towards the elevator again. 

“Wait, Tony! Where are-”

Tony shrugged, stepping into the elevator, “I said I needed to go work, I meant it. Don’t wait up for me, but clear your schedule for tomorrow, yeah? Workshop, J.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter is short! Lemmie know what you think, we're coming up on limited edition vulnerable tony


	7. The Sharing Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony starts to share.

The next day was a beautiful one, clear skies and a slight breeze making it a perfect day to sit outside. Steve took full advantage and settled on the balcony off of the study, sketching the people and dogs that passed by on the street below (thank god for heightened sight). He’d been eager to take his mind off of yesterday, Tony’s abrupt departure still bothering him. 

He’d felt like they were making progress, although he still wasn’t sure exactly what happened. After Tony had run off to his workshop Steve had asked JARVIS to find anything Howard had said that pertained to him. The results were irritating to say the least. Howard had exaggerated some stories, completely fabricated others, and somehow played himself to be the hero in all of them. He was starting to see more and more what everyone meant about Howard's carefully procured legacy. 

He let himself get lost in the details and familiarity, spending hours sketching; he was rubbing his thumb across the paper to blend some of the charcoal when he heard the balcony door open. 

Tony was leaned against the doorframe, smiling softly at Steve. He was still in his suit from his earlier meeting, although his jacket was discarded and his tie was loosened. He’d clearly been running his hands through his hair, as it was starting to curl a bit around his temples. “Whatcha drawin’?” He asked, head hanging lazily to one side. 

“Just people, the street. It was such a nice day, I haven’t been able to sit out here in a few weeks, and the light is so good.” Steve replied, looking back up to the sky. “Although I guess the light is pretty much gone for the day. What time is it?” 

“Around 7, I think. You got plans for the night?” Tony asked, well aware that Steve had cleared his schedule as he’d requested. (He asked JARVIS to double-check) 

Steve closed the sketchpad and set it aside, shaking his head. “Not unless my fella has somethin’ in mind.” He teased, standing, and trailing behind Tony when he beckoned for him to follow with a nod of his head. Tony led him back to the living room, heading for the bar and making a drink. 

Steve sat on the couch, watching Tony carefully. He didn’t seem agitated or particularly tense, more apprehensive than anything. He finished pouring his drink and made his way to the couch, bottle in hand, popping the top two buttons on his shirt as he went. “Got that file ready, J?”

“ _ Of course, Sir. _ ” 

“What’s goin’ on?” Steve asked, taking his cue and getting comfortable on the couch. 

“We’re doing it. The sharing thing.” Tony informed, sipping at his whiskey. “Little baby Tony, shitty Dad, kid genius, all that. Whatever you wanna know, just shoot, Cap. Anything and everything. Full access to yours truly.” 

Steve opened his mouth to reply but didn’t begin before Tony continued. 

“Okay well, maybe not like  _ everything _ but like, most things. Or everything, that’s this whole thing right? Right. Yeah, whatever you wanna know. Unless I really really don’t wanna talk about it, but-”

Steve closed the distance between them and effectively silenced Tony with a kiss. “Thank you.” He whispered when they broke apart, resting their foreheads together. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I just want to understand, and I want to be able to support you the best I can.” He reiterated, settling back in his seat on the couch. (He was assuming Tony had left space between them deliberately and he wanted to respect that boundary.)

“Please tell me if you don’t want to talk about something. This isn’t an interrogation, sweetheart, you don’t owe me anything.” Steve went on, sending Tony a reassuring smile. 

Tony kicked off his shoes and tucked his legs up under himself on the couch, sipping at his drink. “Well, where should I start?” He smiled faintly.

“I don’t know, somewhere happy? Wherever you wanna start.” Steve said after thinking a moment.

Tony chuckled softly, taking another sip before starting. “My mom was really great. She was funny, and smart but not in a showy way. I definitely got that from dear old Dad. She was busy though, she had foundations and causes, she was always trying to advocate for someone. She wasn’t home a lot, but when she was she was wonderful. She got sick, sometimes. Wouldn’t get out of bed for days and days, or would lock herself in a bathroom with a bottle of pills...” He trailed off, draining his glass. 

Steve frowned, “That sounds hard.” 

“I didn’t really understand what was happening until I was a little older, I thought she was just really prone to the flu. After a particularly bad depressive episode Jarvis explained it to me. I look back on it now and can’t imagine how she must have been feeling. I mean, I can, a little.” Tony said with a sad grimace. 

“Anyway, she did everything she could to make sure I was happy, but she just wasn’t there enough. JARVIS, pull up any photos that have Mom in them.” 

_ “As you wish, Sir.” _

The TV on the wall across from them lit up with a picture of a young woman with green eyes and dark curly hair. She was sitting on a piano bench with a wide smile and baby on her lap, his hands slapping the keys happily. 

Steve took in the details with a rapt attention, zeroing in on the similarities in Maria and Tony’s faces. Baby Tony’s eyes were bright, his mouth open wide (maybe singing?) as his chubby hands pressed the keys. The biggest similarities were their hair and the smile, the dark curls and pink lips nearly identical. 

“She’s beautiful. And little baby Tony is just as cute as predicted.” Steve teased, considering his next move carefully. He wanted to move slowly, not sure exactly how much Tony would  _ actually _ share. “You said she was away from home a lot?” 

Tony nodded, flicking through a few pictures by flicking his hand through the air; Maria looking radiant at a charity function, the two of them cooking in the kitchen, the two of them posed sitting close together with strained smiles while Howard loomed behind them with a slightly twisted one, young Tony braiding Maria’s hair as she stared absently at the wall in front of her. 

“She was really ambitious, ya know? Maybe that's why Howard was drawn to her. Plus she was a young, pretty, very acceptable match. She wheedled him into letting her invest, partner with different NPO’s, that kind of thing. It was… miserable, being in a house with him. I don’t blame her for taking every available opportunity to get out of dodge.” Tony elaborated, refilling his glass but not drinking any. 

“What… what was he like?” Steve asked tentatively, only to be answered with another question. 

“Wanna see? J, Stark Expo promo.”

Within a second there was a video playing on the TV, a young Howard addressing the camera. After a few moments of talking about the Stark Expo a head of curly brown hair popped over the table. A young Tony reached up and took a piece off the diorama, making a sound that drew Howard’s attention. 

_ “What are you doing, Anthony? Put it back! You’re going to break it, this is important! Who let you in here?” _

_ “I just wanted to see the city.” Tony said softly, eyes darting between Howard at the Expo diorama.  _

_ “Did I ask what you wanted?” Howard snapped, going around the table and grabbing Tony by the arm. “I asked how you got in, you need to use your ears, boy.” He glowered, pushing Tony into the arms of a middle-aged man with dark hair and light eyes, “Get him out of here, Jarvis, what do I pay you for?” _

The video cut out, Steve left gaping at the screen. “Wha-What the hell was that? That’s no damn father.” He protested, looking back to Tony who was wearing a blank expression. Tony shrugged, “Like I said, he wasn’t great.” 

Steve nodded, pushing down his rage, wanting to keep Tony going as long as he could. “The man you went with, Howard called him Jarvis? Tell me about him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the lovely feedback, your comments and kudos fuel me


	8. Jarvis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony talks about the one constant in his life, Steve gets more of the picture. 
> 
> CW: more Howard abuse, what's new

“Tell me about him.” 

Tony couldn’t help the smile that crept across his face, “Well, you already know what he sounded like.” He teased with a quick glance up to the ceiling. “His first name was Edwin, but he was the help, so ya know, last name only. He was our butler, technically, but he was so much more than that. He’d been working for my parents for years by the time I came along, he knew Howard front and back, could always tell when a blow-up was coming.” 

Steve made a mental note to add Edwin Jarvis to his prayer list, putting him in the mental rotation right after his mother. “He helped out with you?” He asked with a gentle smile. 

“Help out implies there was someone other than him doing anything.” Tony laughed, “Even when Mom was around, it was just me and Jarvis. She did what she could, but she kept herself very busy. It was Jarvis’ job to get me to and from school, feed me, make sure I didn’t set myself on fire, all that fun stuff. He was wonderful. He stayed at the mansion after my parents died, kept the place nice. I couldn’t stand being there, I-I didn’t visit as much as I should have in the end…” He trailed off, eyes looking a little glassy. 

Steve scooted a little closer on the couch, resting a hand on Tony’s knee. “Hey, I’m sure he’d understand. No one would blame you for not wanting to be back there.” 

“I guess.” Tony brushed it off, “Anyway, nightmares? Can't find your chemistry set? Accidently broke one of Mom’s vases? Need to get out of Howards path? Jarvis is your man.” He shared with a wry smile. “He spent more nights in my room than he did in his, I’m sure. He had a wife, Ana, but she died before I was born. He was my… protector, in that place.” 

He hated to admit he’d needed protecting, at any point in his life, but it was true. There was nothing else Jarvis could have been called. 

_ “ANTHONY WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!?” Howard bellowed, followed by the sound of something crashing. _

_ Jarvis rushed into the room a moment later to find Tony, sitting on the floor with his arms full of some metal contraption with wires sticking out of it.  _

_ “How the hell did you even get IN the lab?” Howard demanded, making for Tony again.  _

_ Jarvis quickly stepped between them, holding up a hand placatingly, “He’s become very good at breaking codes, Sir. Perhaps a different encryption would do the trick.”  _

_ Tony scrambled behind Jarvis’ legs, “I-I’m sorry Dad, I just wanted to make one like you.” He whispered. _

_ Jarvis had calmed Howard down and poured him a drink before leading Tony back to his bedroom. “I’m sorry, young Sir. You know how your father is about his lab.”  _

_ “But I did it.” Tony said softly, looking up at Jarvis with wide, wet eyes. “I-I made it work, just like his.” He huffed, clearly getting frustrated. He balled his tiny fists up and stomped his foot, “I don’t get it! It worked! H-He told me I couldn’t make it and I did!”  _

_ Jarvis dropped to one knee, running a hand over Tony’s hair. “He’s a hard man to please, young Sir. Now, why don’t you show me what you’ve made and after your father has returned to his lab you can help me in the kitchen, mm?”  _

Yup. Protector.

“He was my only friend, only family really, the only one who came to award ceremonies, graduations, and remembered birthdays. I was… a handful. After I went to boarding school especially. I gave him hell when I was home for breaks, but he never faltered. He never snapped at me, or hit me, or lost his temper. That man had more patience than anyone I’ve ever met.” Tony continued, shaking his head fondly. 

“He sounds incredible. I’d have loved to meet him. I’m glad you had someone taking care of you, even if you deserved so much better.” Steve emphasized the last part. “Do you… wanna keep goin’?” He inquired.   
  


Tony shrugged, picking up his drink to swirl absentmindedly. “Sure, may as well. What’s next on the list, Cap?”

Steve thought for a minute before he continued. “Well, I think I have a pretty….clear picture of Howard, there’s no reason to keep talking about him. What about school? You said before you went away when you were 7?” 

“Yeah, I was 7. Old enough to be really getting in Howards way, and threatening his intellectual prowess while I was at it. They didn’t tell me where I was going, I just got loaded into a car and away we went. Jarvis dropped me off, it was the first time I’d ever seen him cry. He gave me a hug and told me I hadn’t done anything wrong, and that he’d be back to get me in a few months for Thanksgiving.” Tony recalled casually. 

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was awful, but so was home. It was just a different hell. The first year wasn’t too bad though, I had classes that were easy, teachers who told me how smart I was, it was good.” 

“I’m glad it got you out of Howard's house if nothing else.” Steve acquiesced. “It’s still far too young to send your child away, but at least you could finally make some friends, right?” He offered hopefully, taken aback when Tony’s face fell. 

“I’m an insufferable know it all now, I was even worse back then. Didn’t make me too popular with the other kids.” Tony revealed with a self-deprecating smile. “And I was in the 5th grade class when I started going there, so I wasn’t even with kids my age. It was fine though, I work best when I’m left to my own devices.” 

“Oh….” Steve said softly, surmising that he shouldn't press the matter. “Well, you were probably smarter than those kids anyway.” He smiled. Tony’s face was back to a practiced expression, the one he wore around the team after he’d been up for days on end, or for the press when they got a little too close for comfort. 

Steve stretched his arms over his head and yawned (So what if he exaggerated a little?) “It’s getting late, when was the last time you slept for more than a few hours?”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Not answering that.” He grinned, looking over at Steve with endearment shining in his eyes. “C’mon old man, let’s get you some warm milk and tuck you in.” He teased, swiping away the pictures JARVIS still had pulled up. 

Steve narrowed his eyes, waiting until Tony stood up to grab him and throw him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry, “I’ll show you who’s the old man.”

  
  


Tony let out an indignant squeak, smirking when he came face to face with Steve’s ass. He gave it a quick slap, chuckling at the sound of surprise Steve made. 

“Not complaining about the view, soldier.”


	9. The Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets a surprise visitor.

After their talk a few days ago Steve was feeling significantly better- well not better. 

More informed.

He knew Tony was still dreading the whole thing, but hopefully, with Rhodey, Pepper, and now him, he’d have enough support to stay afloat. 

The centennial event was in three days, Pepper was coming over later in the day to talk guest lists and wardrobe and any number of other details Steve had no interest in. He had his sights set on other things. 

The phone rang three times before the call was picked up. 

“Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes.”

“Hi Rhodes, it’s Steve. I got a favor to ask.”

———————

Tony was holed up in the lab, listening to Alice Cooper while he looked over the patents being presented at the event. It was going to be full of Howard’s old cohorts who’d take any opportunity to criticize the proposals. They needed to be perfect. 

He felt alright after his talk with Steve, relieved even. He’d expected to be handled with kid gloves or to find pity in Steve's eyes, but neither were true. He was just hoping to get through it without any more skeletons being dragged out of the closet. The Stark family had plenty of secrets and this event seemed like an invitation to pry. 

He was looking over the blueprints for a new product for the third time when JARVIS lowered the music's volume and spoke. 

“Sir, access to the lab has been requested.”

Tony didn’t look away from the screen in front of him, swiping his right hand to rotate the model. “Not now, and turn the music back up.” He demanded, “JARVIS, switch the material out for graphene, it’ll conduct heat better.” 

After another minute the lab doors slid open, Tony groaning loudly. “J, remind me to rewrite your code later.” 

“I’ll add it to your calendar.” JARVIS replied dryly. 

Tony made another adjustment on the model, not looking towards the door. “Steve, I’ll be up later, I need to finish this.”

Rhodey grinned, walking into the lab. “That’s a hell of a welcome home.” He teased, watching as Tony whirled around to face him. 

“Sugarplum! I thought you weren’t getting in until tomorrow or did I lose a day to the lab again?” Tony asked, hopping up to pull Rhodey into a tight hug. 

“Yeah well, a certain boyfriend of yours thought you might like a night off, get to cut loose before it all kicks off.” Rhodey explained, clapping Tony on the back before they separated. “So, how’re you feeling about this whole thing?” 

Tony scrubbed a hand over his face with a dry laugh, “Oh ya know, not great. But tonight’s not about that! Tonight we’re getting drunk and reminiscing! I could use the good memories.” 

He stretched his arms up over his head, his back cracking loudly in protest. “Save it and shut it all down, J.”

Rhodey took in Tony’s appearance, noting the unkempt hair, unshaven face, and days-old clothes. “Sooooo, Steve said you guys had been talking-”

Tony cut him off, pressing a finger to his lips, “You need to work on your listening skills, sour patch. I said  _ good _ memories, not that shit I’ve been dredging up with Captain Handsome.” 

Rhodey rolled his eyes, pushing away Tony’s hand. “I just worry about you, asshole. I know this weekend isn’t gonna be fun but I want to make sure it doesn’t fuck you up too much.” 

Tony gasped, clutching his chest dramatically as he walked back towards the doors to the lab. “Me?! Fucked up? That you would imply such a thing, I’m wounded, gumdrop, wounded!” 

“Alright, alright, you-” Rhodey grumbled, following after Tony. 

\------------------------------------------------------------

Steve smiled when the doors of the elevator opened, immediately hearing the laughter and banter of the two men in the living room. He set down his keys and kicked off his shoes (laying them neatly by the door afterward) before he headed further into the room. 

There were several empty beer cans and a nearly empty bottle of The Dalmore King Alexander III Single Malt Scotch on the table, along with a box labeled “M.I.T.” that had clearly been rummaged through. Tony was waving around a paper, hollering about some professor while Rhodey held his stomach, shaking with laughter. 

Steve watched them for a minute before he walked over to the couch, “Looks like your surprise got here fine.” He said, sitting next to Tony. Tony grinned, tossing the paper aside and pulling Steve in for a long kiss, “Great surprise.” He thanked Steve, giggling when Rhodey made a loud gagging noise.    
  


“I saw enough of that shit in the dorms, I will not be subjected to it now!” Rhodey whined, covering his eyes with both hands. “My house, my rules, my hot boyfriend, honey bear.” Tony sing-songed back. 

Steve rolled his eyes, grinning despite himself, “You two are ridiculous, I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to leave you alone together.” 

“This is absolutely not the worst thing we’ve gotten up to together, not even like, top 50 Capsicle.” Tony said seriously before breaking down into giggles again. “R-Remember when I cracked the Pent-” 

“Pentagon’s firewall?” Rhodey finished with him, his eyes squinting up as he laughed. “God, Tones I thought you were gonna get arrested!”

“Get a Daddy who works for SHIELD.” Tony teased, “I didn’t care about prison, I thought Howard was going to murder me.” He laughed, missing the look that flashed across Rhodeys face, and the glance he shared with Steve. Steve reached for a beer, more to have something to occupy his hands than to enjoy the drink. “How’d he find out?” 

Tony let out a sigh as he caught his breath again. “Well, the secret service showed up pretty quick, then I was detained until dear old Dad could come and convince them I wasn’t a threat. Then we went back to the mansion, dealt with the fallout and I went back to school the next day. Having won the bet, might I add!” He finished triumphantly. 

“Tones, you came back with a black eye and a busted hand. You couldn’t even do your project for Electrodynamics because your fingers were so swollen.” Rhodey reminded seriously. 

Tony rolled his eyes, “God, you’re such a buzzkill sometimes. Yeah, he was pissed, but I practically flipped off the Pentagon just because I could, I’m surprised I got off that easy.” He shrugged, reaching for the bottle on the table. He took a swig before offering it to Rhodey who shook his head.

“You can still drink me under a table, man, and I’m here to help keep you in line this weekend, I can’t be too hungover tomorrow.” He chuckled. “I’m gonna head to bed. I promised Pepper I’d meet her at the mansion tomorrow, make sure she didn’t miss anything.” He said, standing up with minimal wobbling. 

He ruffled Tony’s hair as he passed him, giving Steve a warm smile. “See ya in the morning, guys.” 

“G’night, rocky Rhodes.” Tony crooned, snickering at the call of “Drink some water, you fucking monster!” just before the guest room closed. 

Steve shook his head fondly, wrapping an arm around Tony’s shoulders when he slumped against him. “You guys have a good time?” He asked softly, pulling Tony closer. 

“Mmmhhmm.” Tony hummed, tucking his head up under Steve’s chin. “Thank you for bringing him out, it’s nice to see him before we’re back there.” He said around a yawn. 

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. C’mon, let's get you to bed, and get some water in you, Rhodes’ is right.” 


	10. Let's Get This Over With

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day has finally come!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've arrived! The two-day event will be broken up over at least two (maybe more?) chapters. As we continue on there's gonna be more Howard abuse as well as the CSA coming into play- I'm posting this as I write it so tagging for triggers is kind of difficult, sorry about that. I'm going to be going through this story as soon as it's finished to fix typos and tag for triggers, but I'm in the middle of moving (Also COVID) so there's a lot going on right now

“Good morning, Captain. The time is 5:45, it is 59 degrees outside.”

Steve yawned and stretched as he woke up, glancing over to see Tony awake next to him. “Couldn’t sleep?” He asked, scooting over closer to him. 

Tony set aside the StarkPad he’d been working on and shook his head, “No dice. That’s alright though, I’ve done worse on less sleep.” He joked, running his hand through Steve’s hair. 

“Mm, I suppose so.” Steve hummed, giving Tony a quick peck on the cheek before going to their bathroom. When he reappeared he headed to the closet, pulling on a pair of joggers and a hoodie. “I’ll see you in a bit, sweetheart. Remember, Pepper said we need to be leaving here at 8:00 if we want to have downtime before people arrive.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “How could I forget?” He said dryly, ignoring the concern that flashed across Steve’s face. “Go! Go on your run, Winghead, I’m fine.” He insisted, accepting a kiss from Steve before he relented and left for his jog. 

Once he was alone Tony slumped down, letting his eyes close. Today was the day. Rhodey and Pepper would be arriving before he and Steve, and the team would be coming with the rest of the guests in the evening. Photo ops, meet and greets with scholarship winners, the fundraiser gala in the evening. He’d have a few hours of downtime throughout the day (Because Pepper was a miracle worker) but it was still going to be a busy day.

Tony got up and shuffled out to the kitchen, filling his mug with coffee and pulling up the guest list for the fundraiser on his phone. He’d looked over it at least ten times, he knew there wouldn’t be any surprises, but he couldn’t help feeling wary. After two cups of coffee he made his way to the shower, turning the water up to a borderline uncomfortable temperature before getting in. 

“JARVIS, gimmie some Bob Dylan.” He requested, tipping his head back under the stream, trying to forget what the day held while he still could. He let his mind wander as he showered, just rinsing the shampoo out of his hair when he felt strong arms wrap around his waist from behind. 

“Hey, Soldier.” Tony smiled, leaning back against Steve’s chest. “J, music off. Nice run?”

Steve hummed affirmatively, ducking his head to press a kiss to Tony’s neck. “Yeah, the weather is wonderful today.” 

Tony turned around, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck to pull him into a kiss. Steve happily complied, settling his hands on Tony’s hips as he returned the kiss. He parted his lips when Tony’s tongue pressed against them, licking and sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. Tony smirked to himself when Steve let out a soft breathy sound against his mouth. 

Steve broke away, chuckling when Tony pushed up (definitely not on his tip-toes, thank you very much) to try to follow him. “Baby we can’t, I don’t think it’s a good day to be late.” Steve tried, still letting Tony crowd him back against the shower wall. 

“J, time?” He asked before latching his mouth to Steve’s neck, kissing and nipping his way down to his collarbones. 

“7:18, Sir.”

“See, that’s plenty of time, bags are already packed, we know what we’re wearing, we totally have time for morning blowjobs.” Tony asserted, dropping a hand to cup Steve’s dick, smiling against his skin when he found him half-hard. 

“See, you think we have time too.” 

“You’re a corrupting influence, you know that?” Steve huffed, slipping his hand into Tony’s damp curls when his boyfriend slid to his knees gracefully. 

“I’ve been told.” Tony smirked, nosing at Steve’s balls.    
  


\--------------------------------

Three hours later found them sitting in Tony’s black Mercury 8 Coupe, parked in front of the mansion. They sat in silence for a few moments before Tony shook his head and turned off the car, “Well, time’s a-wastin'.” He sighed, getting out and smiling at the older woman who came out to greet them. 

Tony met the woman halfway to the front door, accepting her hug without hesitation. “Margret, so nice to see you. How’s Louis doing?”

“Oh, you know him. Always getting into trouble, but he’s a good boy you know.” Margret laughed, patting Tony’s cheek. “You look good, my boy.”

Steve stood by the car, watching the two and feeling only a little like an intruder. He made his way to the back of the car and started to take out their bags, stopping when Margret addressed him. “Oh, sweetie leave those! James will come to get them in a minute.” 

“Really ma’am, it’s no problem at all.” Steve answered, looking to Tony when he started shaking his head. “You’ll never win that battle babe.” He chuckled, motioning him over. Steve abandoned the bags with a final glance before walking over to join them. “Steve, this is Margaret. She worked here when I was growing up.” 

“I was much younger then.” Margret teased, pulling Steve in for a hug before he could react. “It’s lovely to meet you, Steve, I hear you take good care of our boy.” 

Steve smiled at her warmly when they parted, “I certainly try, ma’am.” She nodded approvingly and turned on her heel, heading back into the house calling for James as she went. 

“She seems sweet.” Steve commented, looking back to Tony. Tony was staring at the mansion, his shoulders drawn up tightly, lips pursed. “She’s wonderful.” He said absently, letting out a shuddering breath. “C’mon, let’s go.”    
  


\--------------------------------

Rhodey and Pepper both turned from where they were looking over some papers when they heard footsteps approaching. “Hey, there they are!” Rhodey smiled, walking over to give Tony a tight hug. “Hey, honey bear.” Tony greeted, making his way over to Pepper who he greeted with a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“You have an hour and a half until the first batch of scholarship winners arrives.” She said, answering his question before he could even ask it. Tony nodded, “Alright. I’m gonna show Steve around and get my bearings before then.” 

“You text me if you need anything, don’t forget I know my way around this place.” Rhodey said seriously, frowning a bit when Tony rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah, you know all the hiding places, I can’t run off, I know.” He joked, deflating when he saw the concern in Pepper and Rhodey’s faces. “Guys, I’m fine. Can we just pretend this is another shitty gala? I just want to get this over with and everyone giving me fucking kicked puppy eyes isn’t helping.” 

Pepper nodded once, schooling her face into her usual all-business expression. “Go, get out of here, and don’t try hiding- I’m not above sending Rhodey in to find you.” 

“Anything for you, Pep.” Tony teased, grabbing Steve’s hand and making a quick escape before anyone could say anything else. He led them up a tall staircase and around the banister, “I honestly have no idea what state my old room is in, it was one of the rooms I had sealed off, but I don’t want to sleep anywhere else in this godforsaken place.” He explained, stilling in front of a set of double doors that had their bags laid at the threshold. 

Steve paused behind him, considering putting a hand on Tony’s shoulder, or offering some comforting words. Tony only paused for a second though, before he was fishing out his keys and unlocking the doors. He pushed the doors open and looked around as he walked in, Steve following behind him. 

Steve closed the doors after he’d set down their bags, looking up to take in the room. It was large, like every other room in the house, with an attached bathroom and private balcony. The room was painted a light blue with red details and looked, true to Tony’s word like it hadn’t been touched in decades. There were a few Captain America and SHIELD posters on the walls, along with various awards and certificates. There was a big oak desk along one wall, piled high with books and papers and loose gears, bolts, and the like. 

The room was clearly Tony’s, but somehow felt unlived in in many ways. “Captain America, huh?” Steve teased, wanting to break the silence. It did the trick earning him a middle finger from Tony. “Don’t get too full of yourself, Cap.”    
  


Tony grabbed one of the bags and scooped out an armful of toiletries, heading to the bathroom. “Feel free to poke around, not a lot of people get access to this shit.” He called into the bedroom. Steve didn’t need to be told twice, making his way around the room and taking everything in. 

He opened a chest at the foot of Tony’s bed, lifting out a few yearbooks that were on top. They seemed to be from Tony’s boarding school, a private and elite one, meaning it wasn’t hard to find Tony amongst the small classes. Steve picked one, judging from the year Tony would have been 9. There were the standard headshots of every student, plus pages featuring the dorms, various contests, and school clubs. 

In nearly every one of them Tony was photographed next to a tall boy, the same one from the video Steve had glimpsed in Tony’s workshop months ago. He was all long limbs and big smiles with a head of sandy brown curls covering his head, clutching a grinning Tony close in almost every picture. 

“What’d you find?” Tony asked as he returned from the bathroom, flopping down onto his old bed. “Just some yearbooks from your boarding school. You were really cute.” Steve smiled, flipping through a few more pages. 

“Past tense? I’ll have you know I’m still very cute.” Tony gasped, rolling onto his stomach to look down at Steve. 

“Oh, I know, darlin’.” Steve drawled, packing the yearbooks back into the chest. “You were always with one boy in particular, who was he?” He asked, moving up to join Tony on the bed. 

Tony shook his head, fighting back the sudden urge to gag. “Just my roommate in the dorms. He didn’t go home on weekends or for monthly visits either, so we spent a lot of time together.” He said simply, clearing his throat and rolling off the bed. “C’mon, let's unpack before I have to go meet with the brightest the next generation has to offer.” 


	11. The Worst Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evenings events take a triggering turn. 
> 
> CW/TW- Brief flashback with heavily implied but not graphic CSA, panic attacks (but you get some protective Steve and Rhodey for your troubles!)

Tony took a shaky breath and straightened his tie, giving himself a final once-over in the mirror before going back into the bedroom. Steve offered him a small smile, “You ready for this?” He asked despite knowing the answer. 

“Nope.” Tony chuckled, rolling his neck. “Let’s go.” He sighed, opening the bedroom door. The sound of chatter and music from the floor below filed the room instantly, making Tony snap into his socialite mode. He and Steve walked downstairs and into the ballroom, Tony gliding across the floor effortlessly. 

The day had been fairly uneventful, thankfully. The meetings with scholarship winners went well, Tony loved hearing from the new generation of scientific minds more than he cared to admit. He’d shown Steve around the mansion, skipping over large chunks of it in favor of highlighting the places he actually spent time. However, now it was time to really perform and Steve was anxious to see how Tony would handle the evening. 

They made their way through the ballroom, Tony taking two flutes of champagne from a passing tray. He handed one of them to Steve as they joined Pepper, Rhodey, Natasha, and Bruce at the far end of the room. Thor was off-world and Clint was with his family, no one had wanted to take him away from them for the event. 

“The man of the hour graces us with his presence.” Rhodey teased, alerting the rest of the group to Steve and Tony’s arrival. “Pretty sure the man of the hour is dead, but don’t tell anyone.” Tony stage whispered with a sly grin. “Thanks for coming, guys. It’s nice to have friendly faces around.” He confessed, downing the rest of his champagne. “Alright, down to business. Pep, who am I wooing?” 

Pepper took his glass from him, handing it off to a server with a quiet, “Thank you.” She placed a newly filled flute in Tony’s hand and began to run him through the guests who needed special attention. Soon enough Tony was floating around the room, laughing and small talking with nearly every guest. 

Steve and Natasha had settled by the bar, both watching Tony carefully. “He’s so good at this kind of stuff.” Steve said wistfully, “I’ll never get it. These things make me so uncomfortable.” 

“He’s good at it because it’s all he’s ever done. Imagine being stuck at one of these things when you’re a kid.” Natasha hummed, watching as Tony spoke with a group of older men, one of them slinging an arm over Tony’s shoulders (which he very tactfully shrugged off under the guise of flagging down a passing server. 

“I suppose so.” Steve sighed, looking around the ballroom. Tony was clearly uncomfortable and tense, but only those who knew him well could tell. 

“Well, we’ve been sitting here long enough to look out of place. Let’s go, Rogers, you can dust off that two-step of yours.” Natasha teased, abandoning her drink in favor of leading Steve out to the dance floor. 

Tony took a shuddering breath as he broke away from the group of shareholders, taking stock of the ballroom. He smiled softly at the sight of Natasha and Steve moving gracefully across the dancefloor before spotting Rhodey amongst a group of military men, and Pepper talking to a possible new donor for the foundation. He’d spoken to everyone (alright, almost everyone) at the event and was finally feeling some of the anxiety bleed out of him. 

There had been the usual praise for Howard, backhanded compliments about his only son, prying questions about new projects, ( _ Got any weapons coming, Anthony? Let’s not act like you don’t make them anymore) _ and stories about how wonderful Howard was. Tony took another look around, pleased to see no one was currently headed his way. 

He spotted a group of kids, the poor souls who hadn’t managed to evade their parent's event. There were three of them, all dressed in stuffy formal clothes. Tony’s feet felt pinched and sore just looking at the little boy's shiny shoes. They were huddled by a wall, clearly bored and most likely having exhausted all the usual ways to have fun at these events. He weaved through the guests, suppressing a chuckle when the kids quickly hushed their conversation and schooled their posture into something more respectful. 

A girl with blonde ringlet curls and bright blue eyes looked up at Tony with a closed-lipped smile. (She looked a little like Steve, actually. Maybe she was related to the Beck’s? She sort of had Jane’s nose) “Thank you for having us, Mr. Stark.” She said in a practiced manner, clearly used to this kind of evening. Tony looked over both shoulders conspiratorially before crouching down. 

“You can call me Tony, Mr. Stark was my father.” He smiled, “You guys seen the north balcony? I hear if you jiggle the left doorknob it’ll open right up. There's a great view of the fountain, and a potted plant that has little rocks in it.” He whispered, watching the kids' eyes light up as they realized what game he was suggesting. 

The blonde girl looked up at Tony with a wide grin, showing she was missing her two front teeth. “Thanks Tony!” She exclaimed, grabbing both the other children's hands so they could cross the room more efficiently. Tony nodded and straightened back up, “No problem. My personal record is 28 pebbles.” He confided, watching them scurry off towards the north wall. 

He made his way over to the bar, ordering a scotch and leaning against the counter. He thanked the bartender and was just lifting the glass to his lips when he heard it. 

“There you are, I’ve been looking for you all night.” A familiar voice said from next to him. 

Tony focused all his effort on not letting his drink fall to the floor, turning back to set it on the bar before forcing himself to look at the man next to him. He was taller than Tony, by a good few inches, with light brown hair styled neatly into a coif. He was wearing a well-fitted suit and a leering grin. 

“I must have missed your name on the guest list.” Tony said simply, keeping his voice steady out of sheer willpower, eyes already flicking around the room looking for an escape. 

“Well that’s because I came as a plus one. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise, Anty.” The man said slowly, reaching out to pick a piece of lint off the lapel of Tony’s suit jacket, letting his hand rest against his chest when he finished. 

Tony bit the inside of his lips hard enough that he tasted blood, taking a step back when Ty’s hand purposely brushed the edge of the arc reactor over his suit. “You didn’t have this last time. You always were so strong, Anty, it’s no surprise you got out of the cave. It's just too bad your skin isn't as pretty as it used to be.”

“And what a lovely surprise it’s been, Mr. Stone. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Tony said sharply, turning to leave when Ty reached out and grabbed his wrist. 

Tony could easily break away, but not without causing a scene, (Flipping someone over onto their back wasn’t exactly subtle) and even so he was frozen. Suddenly he was a child again, Ty looming over him in their dorm room. 

_ “I don’t wanna play, I’m tired.” Tony whined, pushing at the older boy’s chest weakly.  _

_ Ty just pushed Tony back onto the bed more firmly, “C’mon, Anty, don’t be that way. I wanna play, you wanna make me happy right?”  _

_ Tony squirmed under Ty, trying to get away when he felt Ty’s hands go for the zip on his pants. “Y-Yeah, but we already played today, I’m sleepy, I wanna-” _

_ Ty cut him off by tightening his hand around Tony’s wrist. “We play when I want to, now, be quiet or Ms. Michaelson will come.”  _

Tony looked around the room frantically, scanning for familiar faces. He locked eyes with Rhodey from across the dance floor, watching with bated breath as he very politely excused himself from the woman he was dancing with. Rhodey crossed the room quickly, trying not to draw any extra attention to himself. 

He passed Pepper as he did so, grabbing her and pulling her close enough to mumble, “Find Steve. Now.” He said, unconsciously using his authoritative Lieutenant voice. He continued over to the bar, letting out a small sigh of relief when Tony yanked his wrist free, suddenly broken out of his trance. 

Rhodey closed the distance between them, strategically placing himself between Tony and Ty. “Tiberius, I had truly hoped we’d never meet again. How did you get into a private fundraiser?”

Ty gave Rhodey a sickeningly sweet smile, “James, how nice to see you again. I found a wealthy date, one whose passion is to help foundations like Anty’s.” Ty answered, looking at Tony over Rhodey’s shoulder. “I’m sure Anty would do  _ anything _ to secure a hefty donation.” 

Tony clenched his fist, nails biting into his palm, as he tried desperately to keep his breathing under control. “Are you going to leave or do I need to kick your ass and drag you out of here like last time?” Rhodey growled, taking a step closer to Ty. 

Tony was so focused on the scene unfolding in front of him that he didn’t notice Steve and Natasha had appeared behind him. 

“I’d be more than happy to give you a hand with that, Lieutenant” Natasha said demurely, stepping around Tony to link her arm with Ty’s, seemingly a casual gesture. Ty, however, let out a sharp gasp as she did, looking at Natasha with wide eyes. She simply smirked back, tightening her arm a little further just to see him squirm. 

“C’mon, Nat, let’s take out the trash.” Rhodey agreed, helping her lead Ty out of the ballroom without drawing too much attention. 

Tony turned, looking up at Steve with wet eyes. “I need you to get me o-” he cut himself off when Pepper walked over to them. 

“Tony! God, are you alright? He wasn’t on the list, I swear, I don’t even know how he got in here.” 

“It’s fine, Pep.” Tony said sharply, though Pepper didn’t seem phased. “What do I have to do before I can get out of here? I need to get out of here.” He asked, looking at her with pleading eyes. 

Pepper looked down at her phone, checking a few things before replying. “If you can make the speech I can handle everything else. Shorten it, do whatever you need to do, hon.”

Tony nodded, clenching his hands into fists and releasing them a few more times. “Got it.” He said in a monotone, making his way through the crowd and up onto the stage. As soon as he stepped onto the platform his demeanor transformed into that of a classic showman. 

Tony stepped in front of the microphone, a too-wide smile plastered on his face. “Good evening, and thank you all for attending this evening in honor of my father. There’s not much I can say about Howard Stark that you don’t all know already.” He said casually, allowing the guests a moment to chuckle politely before continuing. 

“My father was an innovator, in more ways than one. He gifted us all with his genius, I figured the least I could do was gift him a nice party for his 100th birthday. As passionate as my father was about his work, he was also passionate about helping those with less resources, something the Maria Stark Foundation takes very seriously. I won’t bore you with the specifics but I can assure you the foundation does more good than my parents could have ever imagined. Please feel free to find a Stark representative for more information about the foundation. Enjoy the rest of the evening, fireworks are set to start at 8:30.” He concluded before exiting the stage. 

Steve was waiting anxiously at the bottom of the stage, readily accepting when Tony offered his hand. He followed Tony upstairs and to his bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind them. “What can I…” He trailed off when Tony curled against his chest, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist and tucking his face into his neck. 

Steve held Tony tightly, pressing a kiss to his temple. “You’re okay, it’s okay, you did great out there.” He reassured in hushed tones, rubbing Tonys back until he felt his breathing start to slow. Tony was a touchy guy usually, but this was unusual even for him.

Tony was quiet for a long time, not moving from his space in Steve’s arms. Just when Steve was thinking about speaking up again he felt Tony's head shift a bit. 

“He’s gone, right?” Tony asked in a small voice. Steve’s heart broke at the sound of his usually boisterous boyfriend's childlike tone. “Yeah, baby, he’s gone. Rhodes got him out of here, he’s gone.” He reassured, fighting back the burning question in his mind. 

  
Who  _ the fuck _ was that?


	12. La Vie En Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who WAS that?
> 
> CW/TW: more talk of CSA- not graphic, smoking cigarettes, angsty/self soothing piano playing

Eventually Steve and Tony fell asleep, the strain of the day simply too much to push through any longer. They’d changed out of their formal wear and taken a shower together before crawling into bed to watch a movie. Tony hadn’t been very talkative and Steve didn’t want to push him. 

Whatever had happened, whoever that had been, Pepper and Rhodes clearly knew enough to understand why Tony was so upset. Not for the first time, Steve was out of the loop. He figured that he’d find out when Tony was ready for him to find out and focused all his energy on distracting and comforting Tony before they finally drifted off.

Steve woke up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, panicking slightly when he didn’t find Tony next to him. Not that that was unusual, but given the previous night's events and the fact that this house didn’t have a lab, it was more concerning. 

He went to the bathroom and pulled on a t-shirt before stepping out into the dark hallway. He had planned to go down to the kitchen first, then to work his way through what he could remember of the mansion from the tour. He walked to the top of the stairs and stopped, listening harder. 

There was music coming from somewhere deeper in the house. He followed the sound down a hallway, up more stairs to the third wing, and then down a winding corridor before he found the source. 

There was a door that was cracked open, a sliver of light showing. Someone was playing the piano and singing along softly. Steve crept closer to the door, easing it open wider to see Tony sitting at the piano, singing in what he now recognized as Italian. He leaned in the doorway, listening with a small smile on his face as Tony sang, 

“Di notti d'Amore a non finire,

un'immensa felicità prende il suo posto,

e la noia, e tutti i dispiaceri si cancellano.

Felice, felice da impazzire.”

When Tony finished the verse Steve cleared his throat softly, making the other man jump a bit and still his hands. Tony looked over his shoulder, coughing out an embarrassed chuckle. “How long have you been there, Captain Lurks-a-Lot?”

Steve shrugged and walked into the room, sitting next to Tony on the piano bench, “Just a minute. I didn’t know you played or sang for that matter.” Tony hummed, “I’m a man of many talents. And I can’t really sing, I can just muddle my way through.” He admitted, letting his hands drift over the keys. 

“What were you playin’? It sounded real nice.” Steve asked, taking in the room they were sitting in. There were books lining the walls, a few plush armchairs, and then the main attraction, the large grand piano they were currently sitting at. “Just an old song my mom used to sing to me as a kid when we were actually home together anyway. She always sang it in Italian, but it’s actually a French song originally.” He answered, looking over at Steve. 

“Any requests? I can have J pull up the sheet music if I don’t know it already.” He offered, looking back to the keys again. Steve thought for a minute and shrugged, “The one you were playin’ was pretty, I just couldn’t understand it.” 

Tony hummed noncommittally but started playing the same song as before. “I know the English translation, but if you laugh at me I’ll lock you up with the reject bots, never to be found again.” He teased with a sly smile. Steve lit up with a grin, “Of course not! I just want to hear you sing again, you sounded nice.” 

Tony rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored him, clearing his throat as he continued playing. His hands moved gracefully over the keys, never a misstep. He gave Steve a sidelong glance before he started singing, focusing on the keys so he wouldn’t have to look at Steve. 

“ Hold me close and hold me fast

The magic spell you cast

This is la vie en rose,” 

Tony sang softly, just loud enough for he and Steve to hear clearly, perfectly enunciating the french stanza. Steve watched with a gentle smile, taking in how at peace Tony seemed to be in this moment. 

“And when you speak

Angels sing from above

Everyday words seems

To turn into love song

Give your heart and soul to me

And life will always be la vie en rose.”

Tony played the last notes before dropping his hands to his lap, fiddling with a thread on his flannel pajama pants. Steve leaned over and kissed Tony’s cheek, “That was beautiful. You should play more often, I’ve always loved the piano.” 

“I have one in storage somewhere, I could always teach you if you wanted.” Tony stood up rather abruptly, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Sorry if I woke you up, I couldn’t sleep. I was wandering around and found this, it used to be in the great room, but it must have been moved when Pepper redid the place.” 

Steve shook his head, turning around on the bench so that he could see Tony. “You didn’t wake me up, but when you were gone, and after last night... I got a little worried…” He trailed off, letting the reminder hang in the air. 

Tony nodded, looking around the room before letting his eyes meet Steve’s. “I guess I should probably tell you who that was, huh?” He sighed. Steve offered him what he hoped was a reassuring smile and said softly, “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Tony.” 

Tony huffed out what could have been a laugh, “You’re somethin else, Cap.” He took his hands out of his pockets and headed for the door without another word. Steve watched him go, brow furrowed before he heard the call of ‘Ya comin?’ from the hallway. 

Tony led Steve back down the corridor, opening a door halfway down on the right-hand side. He opened it, scrunching his nose up at the stale air that wafted out. He slid his phone out of his pajama pocket mumbling a soft, “Light, J.” His phone lit up instantly, illuminating the dark room. The room was really just a stairwell, fairly narrow and steep, and looked like it hadn’t been disturbed in some time. 

Tony used his phone to find a pull string attached to a bare bulb hanging above. He put his phone back in his pocket and started climbing the stairs, Steve staying close behind him. “Oh goddamnit!” Tony cried suddenly coming to an abrupt stop. 

Steve very nearly ran straight into Tony, “Geez!” He yelped, steadying himself before looking up and over Tony's shoulder. He was met with the sight of a small door that had been boarded up, blocking them from their apparent destination. 

Tony grumbled under his breath for a minute before spinning around, “How do ya feel about some property destruction?” He asked with a mischievous grin, nodding towards the door. Steve rolled his eyes, “You’re ridiculous, move.” 

They swapped places and Steve made quick work of breaking down the door, letting Tony pass through first before following him out and onto...the roof? The August air was comfortably cool as they emerged onto the roof. Steve looked around, seeing there were a few beaten up chairs off at the far side by the chimney but apart from that it seemed empty.    
  


“Uhh, sweetheart? What’re we doin’ up here?” Steve asked, looking over at Tony, who was looking up at the stars. “It’s easier to think out here, and talk, I guess.” He explained, making his way to the chairs. He flopped down in one, the lawn chair creaking in protest before he reached out and fiddled with the chimney (seven up and three over, a spot where he’d chipped away all the mortar between two bricks) until he pulled out an ancient pack of cigarettes triumphantly. 

He opened the pack and pulled one out, glancing over when Steve sat in the other chair and snickered, “Why am I not surprised?” Tony fished around in the pack and pulled out matches, lighting his cigarette and taking a long drag. “Because you shouldn't be. I’m surprised they’re still here, especially since the door was blocked off.” He took another drag before continuing. 

“I used to come up here when I was a kid, get away from everything going on inside. Plus it turned out to be a great place to smoke without Jarvis seeing me.” Tony smiled, letting his arms dangle lazily over the side of the chair. Steve looked up at the stars with a content sigh, “I get that. It’s quiet up here.” He agreed, reaching over to take a cigarette and the matches for himself. (They’d had this realization early on, that they both smoked on rare occasions. Steve had picked it up in the Army and Tony, well, he’d been smoking about as long as he’d been drinking but he wasn’t nearly as fond of the former.)

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Tony spoke up. “His name’s Tiberius Stone. We went to boarding school together.” He started, taking another drag. Steve hummed an acknowledgment, “But Rhodes knew him?”

“Yeah, he came around a few times at MIT.” Tony cleared his throat before carrying on. “He was the one you were asking me about earlier, in the yearbooks. He was my roommate from the time I got there until the time I left for college. There’s uh, there’s five years between us, when I was 7 he was 12. It was fine at first, I felt like I actually had a friend and an escape from this place for once.” He let out a wry chuckle, shaking his head and taking another drag. 

Steve watched Tony carefully, a tight knot forming in his stomach as he started to put together the pieces. He took a drag from his own cigarette, more to buy himself a second to steady his voice than anything, and asked, “What happened?”

Tony stiffened a little despite himself, grip on the cigarette tightening. “He molested me. Regularly, the entire time I was there. I finally left when I was 15 to go to MIT and got away from him.” He said matter of factly, not looking at Steve as he did. 

Steve was vaguely aware that he’d broken his cigarette between his fingers and that his teeth were clenched tightly together. “Tony I’m so s-” 

“Nope, none of that. I know you’re sorry, everyone’s sorry. It’s over now, it doesn’t matter anymore, I don’t want anyone's sympathy.” Tony cut him off sharply, finishing his cigarette and taking out another one to light. “Don’t make me regret this, but ask away. Whatever you wanna know, shoot. I’m not keen on talking about it so now's your chance, I’ll tell you to fuck off if I don’t wanna answer.” He sighed, slumping down further in the chair as he lit his cigarette. 

While he was exposed and raw, wanting to sink down into the ground, he couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. The worst of storytime was over, at least. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to break this chapter in half because it was horrifically long XD next part should be posted tomorrow, now its time for Steves questions! Next chapter will probably be more graphic but ill cw/tw in the summary!


	13. Tones, What the Fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets his questions answered. 
> 
> TW/CW: more descriptions of CSA, use of the word f*g by Howard, panic attacks, alcohol/drug abuse (I think that's all? Enjoy some BAMF Rhodey)

Steve sat in stunned silence for a few moments before clearing his throat and asking the first thing that came to mind. “No one realized you were being hurt?”

Tony shrugged, taking a drag of his cigarette, “I don’t know, I mean probably. I think the headmaster knew, he called Ty into his office a few times, and then they wouldn’t be any… for a few days or a week sometimes, like he was spooked. I let it slip one day in front of Howard, mentioned playing a game in the dorms or something, I can’t remember what I said...” He trailed off. 

Steve grit his teeth and steeled himself for the answer he knew was coming, “What did he do?” Tony hesitated, opening his mouth and closing it a few times.   
  


* * *

_ “What did you just say?” Howard growled, stooping down to look his 9-year-old son in the eye.  _

_ Tony took a shaky breath, tumbling over his words. “It-it’s just a game, h-he told me not to-to tell anyone.”  _

_ “Damn right you don’t tell anyone.” Howard snarled, fisting a hand in the front of Tony’s shirt. “Next time you take a bite so big he’s too embarrassed to tell anyone. And you never tell anyone about this, Anthony. No one can know there’s a fag in this family, letting boys touch him. Now get the fuck out of my office.” _

* * *

  
He took another long drag and blew out the smoke forcefully. “He wasn’t happy and he didn’t help. He told me to man up and to bite his dick next time if I was so scared. He didn’t want a fag coming to him to complain.” 

Steve pushed out of his chair, almost knocking it over, and began to pace. “What the hell?! You were a  _ child _ , what was wrong with him?” 

Tony watched without reacting, lifting one shoulder slightly, “Some people shouldn’t have children.” He said as if that was all the explanation needed. “Ty really fucked me up, but I’m past it now. Ya know, until he shows up somewhere to taunt me. I got some therapy, Pepper insisted, and it helped. Eventually I graduated and went away.” 

Steve whirled around and threw a punch that connected with the chimney, seemingly unfazed by the impact. “You were a  _ CHILD _ ! He should have been protecting you!” He cried. 

Tony let the silence hang until Steve had calmed back down, and settled in the chair once more. Steve sighed, leaning back and looking up at the stars. “You said he was MIT too?” He asked softly, barely above a whisper.   
  


* * *

_ Tony set aside his textbook when he heard a knock at the door. Rhodey probably forgot his keys again, he’d been so distracted by that girl in his National Security: Law and Policy class that he’d been forgetting shit constantly. _ _   
_ _ He hopped off his loft bed and swung the door open, staggering back a few steps when he saw Ty. Ty stepped inside and shut the door behind himself, “Hey Anty, it’s been a while, my feelings were really hurt when you stopped answering my calls.”  _

_ “What are you doing here? You can’t be here, you shouldn’t be here.” Tony rambled, backing up to try to keep distance between them. Ty closed the gap in one stride, grabbing both of Tony’s wrists. “Don’t you  _ **_ever_ ** _ do that shit again. Now, why don’t you show me how much you’ve missed me.” Ty grinned, letting go of one of Tony’s wrists to reach for the zipper on his pants. _

* * *

  
“He only showed up twice. The first time I was alone in the dorms, I don’t even know how he figured out what room I was in, but Rhodey was gone… It, it happened again. He left, Rhodey came back and found me in a puddle of my vomit after drinking an entire handle of cheap vodka.” Tony explained, still able to smell the vomit and disappointment in the dorm.   
  


* * *

_ “Kelly is so great man, I think you’d really-” Rhodey cut himself off as quickly as he’d started when he spotted Tony laying under his loft bed. His face was red and splotchy like he’d been crying, and there was an empty bottle of vodka on the floor next to him. He seemed to be unconscious, luckily laying on his side since he’d also thrown up said vodka all over their floor.  _ _   
_ _ “Tones, what the fuck?” Rhodey gasped, rushing to his friend's side. He woke Tony up, got him cleaned up and put to bed before starting to clean the floor. He finished cleaning up as best he could before nudging Tony gently, “Here, man, drink some water and take this.” He said softly, holding out a bottle of water and two aspirin.  _

_ Tony cracked his eyes open and did as he was told, eyes filling with tears again. “I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean to, he just showed up and I-I-I couldn’t-” He choked out, breath coming faster. Rhodey climbed onto the bed with Tony, pulling him close (In their year of living together he’d learned how tactile Tony was) “Hey, hey, it’s alright. Breathe, Tones, breathe with me.” He waited for Tony’s breathing to even back out before he continued, “Now what the fuck happened?” _

* * *

  
“He cleaned me up and asked me what happened. And, well, I was shitfaced, so I told him. He got about as angry as you are now, minus the assault on a chimney.” He teased, finishing his cigarette and stubbing it out. “He showed up again a few months later, this time Rhodey was there, he jumped him almost immediately. Very satisfying to watch your abuser get their ass handed to them, by the way, highly recommend it. Once he understood he wasn’t ever to step foot on the campus again, Honeybear dragged him out of there and I didn’t see him again until Pepper and I ran into him one day.” 

Steve took in all the information, nodding robotically. “Remind me to shake James’ hand later.” He mumbled, giving Tony a weak smile when the genius let out a loud laugh. It seemed to have broken the tension slightly, Tony stretching his shoulders with a groan. 

“And tomorrow I have to go in that goddamn office and act like it was a fairytale childhood again. At least I get to snoop through his shit again, I haven’t looked since right after he died. And all I did then was drink and do some coke off his desk.” He chuckled. 

Steve shook his head, “You’re insane.” He wasn’t fond of Tony’s drug history generally speaking, but he couldn’t deny what a delightful image that was. Tony gave him a cheeky grin, “Bonafine wild-child, Capsicle.” 

They sat in a comfortable silence for a long while, both looking up at the stars. Steve was the first to speak, “Thank you for telling me, Tony.” 

“Thank you for caring.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short, but I wanted to get it up today!


	14. Dee Dee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The promo gets filmed, for better or worse, and Steve finds an old friend of Tony's.

Tony scrubbed a hand over his face before he pushed the office door open. The smell of undisturbed dust and stale air hit him like a brick wall. He scrunched up his nose a bit as he walked in, closing the doors behind him. He flicked on the lightswitch and watched as the room came into focus. 

There was a large oak desk with a well-worn leather chair behind it, bookshelves lined one wall, half-finished projects scattered around on nearly every surface. Tony clenched his fists and closed his eyes. 

_ Howard was sitting behind his desk, papers covering most of the surface. “Anthony, come in. Close the door.” He said calmly, motioning to the chair in front of him.  _

_ Tony shifted his weight a bit before hesitantly walking in and shutting the door. He crossed the room, deliberately lifting his feet as he did. (“Starks don’t  _ **_shuffle_ ** _ like servants, boy.”)  _

_ He took a seat in front of his father's desk, giving him a grin despite the churning in his stomach. “What can I do for you, Howard?”  _

_ “Show some respect, boy. I’m still your father.” Howard snapped, sliding a paper across the table to his son.  _

_ Tony leaned over to examine it without picking it up, snickering when he saw it was a letter from the headmaster of his school. “That’s all?” He asked, flopping back in the chair, crossing his arms behind his head.  _

_ “No son of mine will be seen as some coke-head little rich boy. If I  _ **_ever_ ** _ hear about you using at school again I will personally come down there to handle you myself.” Howard growled, standing and lunging forward to fist his hand in Tony’s shirt, pulling him up.  _ _   
_ _ “If this ever got out it would ruin me, and in turn I would ruin you.” He threatened, pushing Tony away from him and releasing his shirt.  _

_ Tony stumbled back a few steps, barely regaining his balance before falling.  _

_ He plastered on a defiant smirk, “I could ruin you, old man. Don’t think for a second I wouldn’t. I don’t have any loyalty to you.” _

Tony chuckled softly at his teenage self, considering how upset he’d be to know that even in death he was still covering for Howard. He walked behind the desk and sat down gingerly in the chair. He’d never done that, not even when he’d done a line off the desk. 

He sifted through the papers on the desk, blowing off the dust that coated them as he did. There was nothing interesting, it was mostly blueprints for products that were either doomed or already well into production. Towards the bottom of the pile there was a manilla folder, unmarked and seemingly empty. Tony opened it to find a small key taped to one side of the folder and letters from his mother tucked into it. 

_ Howard, Jarvis tells me you and Tony have been fighting. You have to be gentle with him, my love. Tony is sensitive, all he wants is to please you. I know you want him to excel but he’s still a child, he needs time to progress at his own pace. He’s years ahead of other children his age and he’s already showing the signs of-  _

_ Howard, I’ve received word from Tony’s teachers that they still believe something is going on between Tiberius and our son. You told me you’d investigate and take care of it, but clearly you haven’t. When you’re back from Seattle we’re taking him out of that school, I don’t care if it’s the best prep school in the country; no son of mine will be moles- _

_ Howard, I know about Sarah. I don’t have it in me to care anymore. You’ve drained every bit of fight out of me. I once thought you were a great man, how foolhardy I was. I have spent my life in your shadow, trying to get my own light back. The foundation helped of course, but there’s nothing I wanted so much as to have a family. Unfortunately that was never meant to be. You’re nothing to me, your only value is that you gave me Tony- _

Tony tossed the folder back onto the desk but removed the key, spinning it between his fingers. He knew Maria hadn’t been fond of Howard but the amount of vitriol was certainly surprising. And the teachers from school had reached out to Maria  _ and _ Howard. Everyone knew but no one did anything to help him. 

He was pulled from his thoughts when there was a quiet knock at the door, followed by a familiar voice calling his name. He closed the folder and slipped the key into his pocket before calling for him to come in. 

Steve stepped into the office, giving Tony an appraising once over. “How ya doin’?” 

“Fine, just looking through some of this shit before we have to film that damn promo.” Tony sighed, spinning lazily in his chair. “Rhodey finally let you break away from his enthralling synopsis of the recent changes in the Air Force’s code of ethics?” He teased, looking at Steve as he moved closer. 

“Actually I found it quite educational.” Steve smiled, leaning down to kiss Tony’s temple. “Plus if you make it to the end you get all the fun MIT Tony stories.” He smirked.

“What?! No, those are classified! MIT Tony was a very messy Tony, we don’t need to talk about him.” Tony insisted, squinting at Steve. “Oh my god I’m already screwed, what did he tell you?” 

“Not much. Although I guess you could call streaking across campus only to be locked out of your own dorm pretty messy.” Steve teased, ducking out of the way of Tony’s half-hearted slap.

“Alright well, first of all, it’s only streaking if you’re running across campus. I was in no rush.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

“All done, Mr. Stark. Thank you so much.”

Tony stood up from where he was leaning on Howard’s desk. It had taken almost three hours but they’d managed to get all the footage they wanted for the promos. All in all, it had gone well enough. Tony was snippy with the crew but Steve was there to compensate in apologetic smiles and fresh coffee. 

At one point, after reading a particularly annoying scripted line from the teleprompter, Tony had let out a startled laugh. “Greatest man to ever live?! Really, Pepper, I mean what the fuck?” 

Pepper had sighed and dismissed the crew, telling them to take a few minutes, “I know, but he was your father. If you still want to maintain that… image, then they’ll expect you to think more highly of him than anyone.” She explained, “Tony, you know you can always-”

“No. I can’t. Can you even fucking imagine what the fallout would be?” Tony snapped, storming towards Pepper who to her credit didn’t budge apart from raising an eyebrow. “For the company? For the military? What about all the programs and charities in his name, huh? Hell, for SHIELD and Steve! You think they deserve to be smeared or even destroyed all because I need people to know the truth?” 

Tony took a breath and deflated a little, closing his eyes. “I just… it’s not worth it. The people who need to know, know. Leave well enough alone and all that.” 

Pepper glanced over at Steve, who was observing quietly from the back where the crew had been. She cleared her throat, waiting until Tony's eyes opened before she spoke. “Consider that noted, Mr. Stark. Now if you would so kindly keep your shit together so that I can call back in the crew, we can move along and you’ll be out of here soon.” 

But now, three torturous hours later, the deed was done. Tony had apologized to Pepper (well, he told her she did a good job organizing the event and had JARVIS order her new shoes, but same difference) and made arrangements for the crew to get bonuses for having to deal with him. He went to his bedroom to see Steve closing the last of their luggage with a sigh. It had been a long few days and Tony couldn’t help but feel sorry for his boyfriend. He had enough self-awareness to know he hadn’t been easy to deal with lately, and that Steve had been extra careful with him. 

He leaned on the doorframe and watched as Steve moved around the room, his back still to the door. Steve opened the closet to do a final check for anything he’d missed while packing, but made a small inquisitive noise when he did, tilting his head to the side. (Not resembling an adorable puppy at all, Tony told himself.) Steve walked into the closet and disappeared for a moment before reemerging with a small robot in his hands. Tony sucked in a quiet breath when he realized what Steve was holding.

_ Tony tossed the screwdriver he was holding aside, biting his lip as he looked towards the door of the workshop. Howard was out of the country but he couldn’t shake the feeling he’d be caught red-handed in the lab. He looked back to the small bot on the table in front of him, clearing his throat before he spoke.  _

_ “H-Hi. This is Tony speaking. Can… Can you understand me?”  _

_ The bot whirred to life and moved his arm up and down, rolling a few inches closer to him. Tony let out a loud whoop, throwing his hands in the air triumphantly. _

__

Steve knelt down and set the bot on the floor gently, scanning over the machine for some kind of power button. Okay, he didn’t know  _ what _ he was looking for exactly, but he figured the bot had to do something. Tony watched him fiddle with the bot with a fond smile before he cleared his throat, raising an eyebrow when Steve’s head whipped over to him. 

“You make a new friend?” Tony asked, pushing off the doorframe to walk into the room. Steve shrugged self-consciously, “I found it in the back of the closet. What is it?” 

Tony sat down on the floor next to Steve, reaching out to pull the bot into his lap. “This is Dee Dee. Dum-E’s predecessor. I thought he got trashed when the cleaning crews came through this place.” He explained with a fond smile, examining the bots condition. “He was supposed to help with detail drawings for blueprints, but he wasn’t very artistically inclined.”

Steve smiled and watched as Tony gently turned Dee Dee upside down, squinting into the machinery. “Hey, go look in the dresser over there. Bottom drawer, far left.” Tony mumbled, not looking up from the bot. Steve did as instructed, rifling through the drawer until he found a bag of tools marked ‘TONYS STUFF DONT TOUCH’. He snickered to himself and grabbed the bag, setting it down next to Tony as he retook his place on the floor. 

Tony opened the bag and found a screwdriver and got to work. About five minutes of tinkering later, he set the bot back down in front of him with a pleased smile. “Hey Dee Dee, you still in there bud?” 

Dee Dee hummed to life, raising and lowering it’s arm excitedly. Tony chuckled, “Yeah, thought so. This is Steve.” Steve grinned and reached out to shake Dee Dee’s claw, “Nice to meet you, Dee Dee.” 

“I don’t think I ever taught him to shake hands. He was the first bot with integrated A.I. I made, couple’a years before Dum-E, I think I was like 13. Like I said, he wasn’t very good at his job and I’ve never been one for patience.” Tony explained, watching as Dee Dee rolled back and forth on the floor. 

“I think he’s cute. You should bring him back to your lab, Dum-E and U could always use a new pal.” Steve said, standing up and grabbing their bags. Tony considered it for a minute and scooped Dee Dee up, glancing around the room before heading out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops that took forever! We're getting towards the end of this fic but I think there will be more in this universe for sure!


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!! This is a sorry excuse for an update, but it's something! Im gonna be starting a new work that'll act as a sequel/be in the same universe as this fic, so stay tuned for that!

Steve’s lips curled in amusement when he entered the lab. Since they’d recovered Dee Dee a few months earlier Tony had been trying to find a use for him in the workshop, but so far he’d managed to mess more things up than not. At least Dum-E was sympathetic to the little bots’ struggles. 

Tony was sitting studying on a blueprint of some kind, Dee Dee on the floor next to him. He had a pencil clutched in his claw and seemed to be working diligently on something. Steve walked in and headed for his chair in the corner, waving when Tony looked up at the sudden sound. 

“Hey, Cap. Thought you weren’t gonna be back until tomorrow night.” He smiled, sitting up and stretching his arms. “Things go sideways?” 

Steve shook his head, grabbing his sketchbook from the table. “It went fine, Romanov and Barton are still there doing recon but I got a message asking me to come back asap. I don’t know what for since no one seems to be here.” He explained, a bit of annoyance slipping into his voice. 

Tony hummed noncommittally, looking back to his blueprint. “J, how’s the simulation for Clints new arrows going?” 

_ “The simulation is currently at 78% completion. No miscalculations have been identified thus far, Sir.” _

“Mmm, good. Let me know when it’s done.” 

Steve started working on the outline of Dee Dee, not looking up when he asked. “You don’t know why I was called back?”

“Nope, no one tells me anything.” Tony teased, looking down when Dee Dee beeped and held up the paper. He took it from the bot and rolled his eyes, “Swear to god, ‘m gonna enroll you in a children's art class. Can’t even draw a basic LDD. Go, go away from me, over with Dum-E.” He huffed, setting aside the paper as Dee Dee rolled off to the corner to charge with Dum-E. 

He leaned back and spun lazily in his chair. “They didn’t say anything, not even who wanted you back?” He asked Steve. He was thrilled to have Steve back early, it had been a long mission; Steve, Nat, and Clint had all been gone for a week. 

“I got nothin’.” Steve shrugged, setting aside his sketchpad and opening his arms in an invitation. 

Just as Tony stood the lab doors opened, Pepper and Maria Hill walked in. “Agent Hill, you always come with good news.” Tony snarked as a way of greeting. 

Steve rolled his eyes and stood, “Ms. Potts, Agent Hill, what can we do for you?”

“Stop being an ass and get me a cup of coffee, I need it.” Pepper sighed, handing Steve a thick file as Tony went to do so, grumbling all the way. 

When Tony returned with Peppers coffee he found Steve’s mouth downturned and brow furrowed as he scanned the file. As he handed off the mug (the one that said Boss Bitch that he'd gotten Pepper for her birthday) he noticed how tired Pepper looked, tired and angry.

Steve snapped the file closed and looked over to Maria, “When do we leave?” 


End file.
